Adversity knows no intellect *possible TW*

TW* emotional abuse

Ive titled this the way I did because it’s true. I always thought as a little girl watching all the women on tv in shows and court cases who were abused throughout my life like “nope. That’ll never happen to me. I’m too smart.” I was dead wrong. Abuse does not know any colour, socioeconomic background, dumb, smart, whatever. You just have to have no boundaries and you’re good to go. I just got out of a 1.5 year toxic, emotionally abusive relationship with a guy. I don’t even know who I am any more. But I am working on figuring out who I am/who I want to be. I’ve done a lot of research and reading while I await therapy and I am definitely doing better than a month ago, but I cannot say I don’t feel changed forever. I feel tainted. I feel like I’ve been in a war. Like I went in bright eyed and bushy tailed and I came out a shell of a woman. It’s so hard to believe that someone who says they love you are so comfortable doing such terrible things to you. I am constantly hyper vigilant, I can feel my body is tense all the time, when will I feel normal again? Maybe the answer is never, maybe the answer is when I choose. Idk. Either way I have dedicated myself to not being stagnant. But still dedicated myself to my healing and recovery. I highly recommend reading self help books for those struggling. They won’t solve your problems but they will bring you clarity.