A complex grief

I feel numb most days. It seems to be my coping mechanism that allows me to function in everyday society. My trauma is unique and finding someone to understand is very hard for me, even among the listeners here...

I lost my son on 24 March, 2017 because Child Protection removed him for not receiving special needs services that I could not get a referral to.

I told the lawyers that I was afraid for my son that he would forget ASL, because they put him in an oral only foster home...

Friday, I learned I could no longer talk to my own child. It was the most heartbreaking realization ever. He relied on the interpreter to tell him what I said, and since he forgot how to sign, I relied on the interpreter to know what he was saying...

They plan to reunify him, but I doubt myself now how I can take care of him when we can't effectively communicate... I just want to talk to my little boy... But I can't. And he can't talk to me, even when we are mere inches apart.