i dont know what to do
im hurt, im lost, im angry, i feel like ill never be good enought.im not good enough... i was doing so good and now all the progress i made is gone. im worse off than when things started. i want to give up and crawl under a rock for the rest of my life. there is no hope. i have no friends and i dont care enough to try anymore.
@munificentgearhead
What has set you back? one of the best things i ever learned is to let go of anger it makes any situation worse.
Being lost is underrated as when we are lost either literally or figuratively we may in effort to get back on track may turn down a path or road and discover many things we were not even aware were there....maybe shows us things or opportunities we did not see or consider....
Friends in my opinion are fleeting ...................we have school friends that move on or we do not keep in touch maybe they pursued a different path.... we may text or message say "lets do lunch and catch up" but does not happen .... work friends are similar.... people change job and sooner or later not seeing each other almost everyday ...and lose touch .
YOU are enough... you just have not found your niche.
@toughTiger6481 long story short, I had my drug addict ex came back into my life to try to make amends for all the things she did to me in the past . It started off fine but shortly devolved into chaos. She got me so worked up I crashed my motorcycle and almost died. Now my shoulder is shot and I need to find a new job. On top of that she filed a restraining order against me and I wasted the last of the money I had from my moms life insurance to get a lawyer and he didn’t help me at all to be honest he made things worse. I was finally in a good place before she showed up. I was planning on traveling on my bike as a kind of therapy but now. I’m on the verge of bankruptcy and I have never been so hurt and angry in my life. Just what I needed while I’m grieving my mother.. it’s why she reached out in the first place.
@munificentgearhead
That is a lot to deal with in a short time ... when we have a loss and grieving it is easy to make some bad decisions.... while I am sure you may have believed your ex are you surprised it turned to chaos and hurt you deeper..... ?
IMO emotions not thinking things thru have cause d more damage in our lives then we could ever anticipate. Regardless of being upset/ angry or confused an accident on your motorcycle now will be a permanent reminder.... and easy to fall back to what if thoughts like what if i did not almost die and hurt myself....
This is your start over opportunity .... and yes even after losing almost everything ... you can chose a new path....some will say i will make changes or do something else when ( insert reason)... but that never comes to be .... and no change is made repeating mistakes does not fix them.
@toughTiger6481 you're not wrong it doesn't surprise me things turned out this way.. i want to say the i wish i had stuck instincts and push her away. i did for a while. but i needed to face her sober..... to see what was her, what was the drugs, and what was me... I've been trying for that new start since my mom died. dealing with her was only step two, getting out more was step one.
i think what it came down to is that we both have the instinct to hit back when we feel disrespected. we feed off of each other. one of us feels disrespected real or imagined and we try to one up it. its a recipe for disaster. we both knew it. we said as much. as much as i want to blame her i could tell that she was trying just as hard as i was. we just both failed. she was dealing with as much stress as i was....her sons dad died while we were talking.... i think it was too much for both of us... sorry if I'm rambling, I'm just trying to process in a way that doesn't leave me angry. so i can get back on the right path
@munificentgearhead
I understand the wanting to deal with it and often anger comes up and IMO anger is like a chain having us hold onto the situation.
I read this yesterday about making changes in our lives. really let it sink in reading a few times maybe it will make you think like it did me.....
1. look beyond what is... and focus on what could be.
2 Know your "why" and keep it close
3 do not wait for others to open a door for you.
@munificentgearhead
*hugs v tight * (if permission granted)
I can not imagine what you have been through, you are a hero. You are brave, strong and wonderful. You are not alone, We are here to support you, to embrace you.
Help is available.
Don't hesitate to reach out for help.
