Yesterday evening my father almost killed our dog

It's embarrassing the speed with which situations escalate with a person undergoing treatment for anger issues and how stupid i feel after seeking help with no success.

The only plan for the evening was to cut the nails of our elderly good-girl dog. He just had to hold her still because she doesn't cooperate, she always resists: I make a mistake by cutting a little too much, she didn't even scratch, not even a sound, but her nail bleeds and she resists even more. I recognize when he snaps. He starts hitting her, repeatedly slams her against the furniture, once She hits her head. I help her escape going in the other room, but he reaches her again, he grabs her by the tail and pulls her into the room, hitting her head on the corner of the cabinet. I get on top of her screaming as loud as I can "enough! Enough! Enough!" Hoping the neighbors will hear.I pick her up and carry her to grandma on the other side of the house. Blood everywhere but it was from the nail, it was my fault. While my father was yelling about both the dog and me, my grandmother helped me hold it, I clean the blood, bandaged the paw, prepared the dinner. I know I had to report, I had this though repeating but I had fear he would certainly know I did it, I am the only one who could do that to him. My grandma would never, indeed even if she knew everything that just happened and she blames him because he's crazy, she calls him for dinner and eat it like normal, like they do everyday.

So this "1522 app" came up to my mind considering it also allow to reach out via chat. I spent an hour chatting with an operator, who tells me I have to report to Animal protection but for sure he'll know it was me. I keep telling all the story of my father's condition (he takes psychotropic drugs but has never undergone therapy), that I am afraid of telling out loud because every other family member excuses him because he is psychologically unwell (they keep telling me "to behave accordingly, to not get him snap, because we all know he's unwell"). The operator said we are all abused victims, keep telling me to contact the anti-violence center... On Monday (it's Friday night). I keep asking for a writing contact because I'm afraid of being heard at the phone and I need support, I would use it immediately. I tell her that I'm at the end of myself, because when I see that scene in my head - I thought she could have died both times me dog hit its head. The night has gone, I couldn't reach anybody (I'm also without a car now - because he doesn't want to help me find a new one) and the dog can barely stand. My grandmother told not to tell anybody and he said "maybe he broke its back legs because he put too much strength holding them still. Yeah, because he never remembers what he did.