Trauma and physical health.

So maybe most disorders are just linked to hypersensitivity in some research paper or another, but I really feel most of my illnesses are connected to it. I spent most of my childhood on edge. I had to be hyperaware. A lot of my illnesses have been described as caused by hypersensitivity. Either it's a catch all for scientists trying to figure out who gets what, or, my family set me up for lifelong misery in more ways than one.

I have two autoimmune disorders. Neurosarcoidosis, which I have had two official attacks of. I suspect I had a third 10 years ago, and am lucky I came out of it mostly OK. My immune system attacks my brain, causing it to swell. It causes nasty headaches, vision changes, confusion, and minor personality changes. Fibromyalgia is frequently called an autoimmune condition, and I have that too.

I also have chronic migraines (definitely genetic, as mom and sister do too), IBS, and GERD. They can be triggered by stress, and cause unusually high sensitivity to specific stimuli or foods. For example, I can't have dairy while I'm dealing with an IBS attack. I even manage to injure myself doing basic daily tasks. (Hypermobility leading to muscular injury.) I have permanent tachycardia because my autonomic functions can't properly regulate themselves.

Of course there is the mental stuff. PTSD, anxiety, and depression. I'm medication resistant, so it has taken me a very long time to get a handle on all of it. Of course it will never fully go away. A student wrapped his elbow around my neck my brain skipped a beat. (I'm fairly sure he was trying to hug me. Pressure wasn't tight enough for it to actually be an attack.)

My parents know my menagerie of health conditions are tied to how I grew up, so they hated hearing about it. Mom tried to convince me I had celiac because that would mean my systemic problems were purely genetic. (I do avoid gluten, but as a migraine trigger.) My dad just resented any talk or sign I was taking medication. It was only when I had to go off my psych meds for a few months due to insurance shenanigans that they believed I needed them.

I've coped with all of this with psych medications, therapy, and a carousel of addictions. (Thankfully, the "softer" stuff, and it hasn't ruined my life. Yet, anyway. Everything I've used since I was a teen--meaning there was an exception back when I was 17--has some validity as treatment for all of this, but I overuse it or start to psychologically crave it.) I keep myself busy 24/7, usually with multiple sources of stimuli going at once. Can't be alone with myself, after all.

So my body is hypersensitive, dysregulated and literally attacks itself. It's not a stretch to think it ties to trauma. I am ranting to a degree, as it's impossible to estimate how much time all of this takes from my day to day life, but also, figured it might help someone. Anyone familiar with the idea of Adverse Childhood Experiences probably isn't surprised, but it always weirdly comforts me to be able to understand things.