Regression in Childhood School Experiences

I have c ptsd & aIrishman. I am about to relocate soon in another country, which means that I have to make closures with friends, family, work etc etc and I am not coming back. Each transition was very stressful and traumatic to me since my parents were always like “you abandon us” showing that with behaviors & actions and not verbally.

So this was happening in each transition I was facing. One of the most difficult transitions were back in high school where I felt that I had no friends to share together the difficulties of moving in a new school with higher academic expectations and make the transition structured. So I had to start all over again, from zero to establish the interaction with teachers that didn’t get that I have learning disabilities and I am coming from an abusing home unsupported psychologically.

So I didn’t have friends and I couldn’t communicate with anybody about my struggles. My parents were having super high expectations of me to thrive in the new environment and when I was expressing concerns, they were getting abusive for not understanding their difficulties to raise me and how hard workers they were for us (we didn’t have financial issues).

So now, although I have strong support system with friends and my family stopped being abusive and made so many transitions in my life, I feel that I am going to be alone with no friends, no supported by my family and the professors having high expectation of me although I have my diagnosis now and I already took the appropriate accommodation and psychological support.

i am regressed in my childhood experiences and I am having some intense flashbacks leading me to severe panic attacks.