It is hard tonight

Normally I keep my trauma under control, but tonight when the insomnia kicks in and I'm lying here in the dark with a podcast in my ears to try and distract my mind but thoughts keep turning to those moments that make me nauseous, make my skin tingle and my body on high alert for no reason.

The person (my brother) who I would ring in these moments is dead, I am screaming into the dark hoping it reaches his essence so he can come back to listen as I laugh through the tears of some of our shared experiences.

It is hard to deal with trauma when the only other person who knew what it was like is gone, people don't want to hear about the cult life and the chaos involved in that kind of "childhood".

I've done all the things, taken people to court, got them convicted, did the therapy several times but still have these moments when I realise how much was stolen from me and all I've got to show from it is cPTSD.

I don't know if this is where we are supposed to post things like this, my apologies if this is in the wrong space.