Idk

So, my father had recently passed away to to organ failure from not taking care of his diabetes. He was only 45. I haven’t been able to properly grieve due to our relationship being strained for the last few years. I left home @ 16 for trade school because of how bad verbally my father and mother an be towards me, they would invalidate everything id say callying me a liar or say i was a bullshitter when i would tell them serious things about what happened to me, things that no child or teen should go through, for a call to the cops immediately type of thing. I always felt like my dad had some type had bpd bc he was always lying annd acted different every couple weeks like a whole new person it’s a whole new attudie and ethic to is life yk and one day he would be really nice then threatening the world the next day, but that’s not my business to dive into bc frankly. Do not care, since is was all directed towards me but since i was a child that definitely spoke up for myself and would call you out of ur name if I needed to, i was labeled as defiant and was outcased to be the blacksheep of the family but with that as sometime has passed since April, ie been trying really hard to remember him better and more, and all that i keep unlocked are memories I’ve had suppressed since childhood, im talking single digits, 6, and its been so overlying and I’ve been dying to reach out o my mom about these things and i keep getting “‘this again”, or the imfamous, ‘“ur starting this *** again why can’t you let ur little twisted fantasies go and be normal for once” or the even more famous “ur just imaging it in ur head it never happened, ***, stay off my phone” I don’t know what to do anymore, I have surpressed so much as a teen that now in my adult years its been very detrimental to my health and memory, i was diagnosed with server major depression at 18 and acute anxiety along with bp and ocd and cptsd. I am currently 20bout to be 21 in a few days and i feel like im spiraling really bad, im currently in a failed legal marrage with 7 animal and on top of that im regrettably living with slob roommates with their 8 animals that have really bad behavioral issues and pee and spray and *** every where they can, keep lave anything out or it will be ruined i a hr type bad. I don’t have much space in my 9ft by 10 ft room or a job to leave. I’m Medically and mentally and physically in a horrible spot right now, and I honestly don’t know what to do. I’d really like some advice at this point so I can keep my *** sanity.