Hi
I haven’t been in here in a while, been doing my best,
I finally accomplished some goals but they haven’t gotten me where i thought I would be.
Lately the trauma just keeps coming. Betrayal. Abandonment. People triggering old traumas non-stop. I have to remind myself to breathe, force myself to eat. I have physical issues and chronic severe pain that makes me disabled on too of my cptsd. I’m trying to find work because i want to work. I’m trying to find therapy. I’m trying to get through my day without it being overrun by unwanted thoughts.
I’m very lonely. I’m trying to make more friends in the area but it isn’t easy because people take a while to open up and get close with, I’m disabled, and very broke.
I’m still trying though. I’m digging my heels in even though honestly i want to give up most of the time. I’m not sure i even know how to give up? I need to do better than i am, though.
Doctor visit for back and possibly to get prescribed low dose naltrexone for my cptsd. Let’s hope all goes well.
I’m scared guys. Thanks for being here with me.
@selfconfidentTriangle3354 awww sweetie I'm so sorry your going through all this 😥 I have cptsd and chronic pain, disabilities too🙁 so I know how hard it can all be. But wow just reading this makes me shocked at how well your doing ❤trying to find work, make friends. Going to doctor appointments and seeking help with therapy😮 you may not see it, but I could never even think about doing half as well as you are ❤ and I know many others here who could do with someone so inspiring as you to help give them hope ❤ whatever your doing, your doing right. So never give up, keep on trying and don't be afraid to reach out on the days you need a bit of support, gives you a giant tiny hug ❤❤ your doing amazing ❤
Thank you. Today was pretty tough and i needed to hear that.
I’ll be honest I really might be overdoing it. But i told myself when my ex told me he wasn’t going to come help me weekly anymore that is just go until i drop because at this point it’s either get better or get worse so someone cares enough to help.
I think i have a chance for things to improve.
If i can just get things to work out. Even a little?
I’m dealing with bullying to some degree today. Its just exhausting having someone passively aggressively peck at you. I have had to call the cops even because they have told me they filed reports on me for things I’m not doing and threatened me. They have not actually filled anything and the cops advised i stay away from them and others August with them (that’s harder as it’s someone I’m very emotionally attached to and i also don’t know people here so even one person that i know it’s like one step from me being totally o alone, but i have cut back how much i y’all to them) I am trying to not make things worse but I’m considering getting an order of protection. They are supposed to be moving soon?Gods I hope so. They’ll still know people here so I’m sure they can still take potshots at me emotionally but maybe they’ll find better things to do then. As if I’m not having enough problems i didn’t need them coming into town making things worse.
I have been dealing with bullying since i moved back here from one person or another. From people i have defended time again in their own struggles in disagreements with others if i feel someone hasn’t been fair with them u speak up. I am 36. We should be past this. I am tired.