Feeling a lot of emotions
Hi ,
I don’t have a good father-daughter relationship with my father. He used to be alcoholic, until i was 15. He used to verbally abuse my mother, and i always cried to sleep in my mother arms every night . Once we even went to a neighbour’s house to sleep. Also one day it got worse and we called the police and they took him to the station just for the night( because we didn’t filed any complaint, he is the only one earns in our family).
But now he is not alcoholic. So we thats gonna change everything and all our problems are solved . But he still verbally abuses my mother, he is so loud. I honestly don’t know how to write what I’m feeling. All I want is a peaceful life. I don’t even want him to love me. I want to sleep peacefully. We hate weekends because he will be home. He always find something to argue. If there is nothing then also he will make a scene. I feel bad for my mother, because of that I have started to argue with him everyday, but I don’t like it, I don’t want to do it. We have a dog, he loves that dog a lot. Which breaks my heart to million pieces. Seeing him giving the love, care and attention that should have been towards me , is heartbreaking( i love our dog and I don’t want to hurt her because of my father).
Because of this I want to leave my house and study somewhere far. But it is taking more time than I thought, I been trying for like 1.5 year. So currently I’m stuck here. I’m feeling a lot of emotions that I can’t explain through words. I’m feeling helpless, I feel like I’m in a cage where I get emotionally drained every day. It feels like there’s nothing I can do about it. I’m hurt because he is not changing. I just want someone to help me.
If you read this far, thank you for reading
@lux2004
I give you a lot of credit for being able to deal with your father's behavior. It takes a strong person to do that. Feeling trapped in a situation that you feel you cannot get out of feels terrible. I have been there too. I am not a professional so I probably should not give advice. But the one thing that did help me on this platform was, noni, the AI counselor. Definitely gives great advice. It made me feel a lot better. I would highly recommend it. Or reach out to a counselor. Do you have any support like relatives or friends?
@wc2581
thank you for making me feel strong with your kind words. Yes, I have tried talking to noni, but it didn’t click right with me that time. But definitely gonna try again! Also I do have close friends who knows that i am not that close with my father. But they don’t know the details and they never cared. And when it comes to relatives, we don’t speak to my father’s family due to some issues. My cousins from my mother’s side are all grownups, I’m the second youngest among them. So they don’t care about me because of their family, children and everything. I also don’t a bf, because as I mentioned Im in my gap year. So basically I don’t have anyone to talk freely and get comforted. That’s how I came to know about this app. There are so many good people here.
@lux2004 Your father doesn’t have alcohol to help him cope with his real problems. Arguing with him and stating logical facts will just wear you out. Accept right now that you are not going to change his behavior. He has built up these habits of behavior for years. If he does change it may take years. Get your education and then go build your own life. In the meantime try to spend as much time away from the situation as you can.
@PineTreeTree
Yes that’s what I’m trying to do. I want to study somewhere far from here. Thanks for reminding me that it’s not my job to fix his behaviour.
