@sensiblePomegranate5035
I'm sorry to hear that you've been having this experience. For one, you're doing all of this in a new country--so the healthcare system is not as familiar to what you're used to. You do not have regular healthcare providers that you may have seen in the past, that you may trust more (this depends on what country you lived in before), and are placing faith in people that you haven't interacted with before. It sounds like you are feeling a bit lost as well; I'm curious to hear more if you would like to talk about it--how come you chose to take a break from your treatment, seeing that it got rid of your symptoms? What about your past treatment is keeping you from going back to it?
Dealing with symptoms is horrible (I assume it's like trauma-related as you have chosen this forum to post on but even then, there's a lot of potential comorbid issues and problems you may be facing that I don't know about). Whatever they are, battling our personal struggles is always hard, and it sounds like it's not just normal, everyday stuff as you have been in therapy and on medication for this stuff. You have a right to be very angry and furious about the situation--you deserve to feel better, to feel happy, to feel safe, and to feel free of whatever is trapped inside of you. It is possible to one day feel safe and let it go, although it takes time and effort and changes throughout life; we each have our unique situations and struggles, but there are ways to rise up and improve things slowly, bit by bit. I hope you continue posting more and I continue to hear your story and also your anger--because expressing your feelings is powerful and helps you acknowledge what is lacking and what can be done to make things better.
