I'm scared
so i just want to rant. thats all
i was scared for years to talk about myself in public, but i need to do that to heal
im not here to help anyone, im broken and im fixing myself. i need to be selfish in my aproach. i cant help you, only you can help you. thats the way i look at it. only i can help myself too
i started my journey a few days ago, relived my truma few times, it gets easier and easier every time
but i hve so much doubts about myself, my own feelings. i dont have control over my own self
i just want to heal and get better
ive been isolated for 22 years, and its enough
i will get through this
im proud of my proggres so far
when i first broke thought my trauma, i had the feeling this will be easy and it will be solved in a day
but it wont. it will take a lot of time
22 years is a long time to run away from yourself. it will take a lot of fixing. introspection, facing my fears, helping myself, learning and improving
its nice to get support, it feels good that others are there for you. i needed this my whole life. but it was also what was keeping me down
i had a strong need for others, and triyng to get from them something i can only give myself
and thats self love
others cant give me self esteem, others can give me confidence. they can, but in small doses, it doesnt fix the core thats inside of me
i will learn how to do that myself
the need for others is a trap so i dont start loving and working myself
i need help
i need help so much that its overwheling
but im here
i will help myself
it feels good to admit this in public
i'm feeling im getting free everytime i open up about who i really am
i will stop hiding from myself
i will stop caring what others think abotut me
i will not be something i am to please you
stop judging me, its not helping me. its keeping me down
i need to get stronger
i need to heal
i will get stonger
i will heal
i will love myself
i will be there for myself when i need others and it gets overwheling
i will learn how to stop disasociating
i will learn how to handle my emotioncs, process them, heal them, whatever i may need
i will survive this
i will love myself
i will be able to truly love others
i will stop caring about likes and disklies
i will become the person i was
its in me, its me
but i've been broken and hurt by others, they didnt know better, its okay
my worst enemy is myself
i shouldnt have let this happen to me
but its okay
i didnt know better
i didnt have the capacity to say no
i was overwhelmed and disassociated
and it hurts
it hurts a lot
but im still here
and i'm fine now
i will be fine in the future
i will learn how to stand up for myself
i will stop pleasing people that hurt me and want to bring me down
i will stop caring about fitting in
i need to let go
i will let go
so many things in my past that i have to face and let go
and i will
i will work on myself and keep going
i will be happy again
i will have friends again
i will *** be that ME that i once was
the life of the party
and if i fail sometimes, its okay
i will pick myself and try again
try and try and try until i reach the top
until i reach the true me
until i become me
me that was so cool, confident, able to love, to get hurt, able to help others, give them advice
thats me
i'm not this broken and scared mess
i'm *** awesome
and i dont give a *** about what everyone else says
you will not keep me down anymore
you cant hurt me
i love myself
and if you want to hurt me, i will feel sorry for you and wish you get help like im doing
and if you love me, i will love you too
no more pleasing others
i dont need you anymore
i dont need anyone
i'm happy with myself