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I'm scared
sympatheticTiger2424 September 9th
.

so i just want to rant. thats all

i was scared for years to talk about myself in public, but i need to do that to heal

im not here to help anyone, im broken and im fixing myself. i need to be selfish in my aproach. i cant help you, only you can help you. thats the way i look at it. only i can help myself too

i started my journey a few days ago, relived my truma few times, it gets easier and easier every time

but i hve so much doubts about myself, my own feelings. i dont have control over my own self

i just want to heal and get better

ive been isolated for 22 years, and its enough

i will get through this

im proud of my proggres so far

when i first broke thought my trauma, i had the feeling this will be easy and it will be solved in a day

but it wont. it will take a lot of time

22 years is a long time to run away from yourself. it will take a lot of fixing. introspection, facing my fears, helping myself, learning and improving

its nice to get support, it feels good that others are there for you. i needed this my whole life. but it was also what was keeping me down

i had a strong need for others, and triyng to get from them something i can only give myself

and thats self love

others cant give me self esteem, others can give me confidence. they can, but in small doses, it doesnt fix the core thats inside of me

i will learn how to do that myself

the need for others is a trap so i dont start loving and working myself

i need help

i need help so much that its overwheling

but im here

i will help myself

2
sympatheticTiger2424 OP September 9th
.

it feels good to admit this in public

i'm feeling im getting free everytime i open up about who i really am

i will stop hiding from myself

i will stop caring what others think abotut me

i will not be something i am to please you

stop judging me, its not helping me. its keeping me down

i need to get stronger

i need to heal

i will get stonger

i will heal

i will love myself

i will be there for myself when i need others and it gets overwheling

i will learn how to stop disasociating

i will learn how to handle my emotioncs, process them, heal them, whatever i may need

i will survive this

i will love myself

i will be able to truly love others

sympatheticTiger2424 OP September 9th
.

i will stop caring about likes and disklies

i will become the person i was

its in me, its me

but i've been broken and hurt by others, they didnt know better, its okay

my worst enemy is myself

i shouldnt have let this happen to me

but its okay

i didnt know better

i didnt have the capacity to say no

i was overwhelmed and disassociated

and it hurts

it hurts a lot

but im still here

and i'm fine now

i will be fine in the future

i will learn how to stand up for myself

i will stop pleasing people that hurt me and want to bring me down

i will stop caring about fitting in

i need to let go

i will let go

so many things in my past that i have to face and let go

and i will

i will work on myself and keep going

i will be happy again

i will have friends again

i will *** be that ME that i once was

the life of the party

and if i fail sometimes, its okay

i will pick myself and try again

try and try and try until i reach the top

until i reach the true me

until i become me

me that was so cool, confident, able to love, to get hurt, able to help others, give them advice

thats me

i'm not this broken and scared mess

i'm *** awesome

and i dont give a *** about what everyone else says

you will not keep me down anymore

you cant hurt me

i love myself

and if you want to hurt me, i will feel sorry for you and wish you get help like im doing

and if you love me, i will love you too

no more pleasing others

i dont need you anymore

i dont need anyone

i'm happy with myself


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