... not sure I belong here....

Hi... im not sure I belong on any of these threads but this must come out somewhere

I was sexually and mentally abused by one of my brothers, that was over ten years ago... well it started ten years ago. I must have been 6 or 7 and it went on for some time after that... but then childprotective servises got involved and removed him from the house and life went on but a few years later he was allowed back home. The thing is my two older brothers have always been very angry so we try not to anger them so when my brother returned, although the sexual abuse stopped, the mental abuse began. The whole family was under his thumb because he could get violent and he had started doing drugs on and off some time ago, there were people after him who threatened the family and sometimes his temper became so bad that my dad had to fight him so that he wouldnt go on a rampage in the house... im not even telling the whole story because I dont remember most of my childhood... the weird thing is that I seem to have been keeping a pretty good relationship with him even though he has caused me a ridiculous amount of grief and I didnt realize exactly how strange it was until I got my first boyfriend at 22 and told him about this. And now it feels like I cant get mad because too much time has passed, my mothers mental health is unstable and my brother seems to be in denial (I recently heard that he just lost it once when a psychologist tried to talk to him about this)

Im just so confused