The bruises will heal with time like always, but will the scars ever fade?
I've recently left my marriage, I'm only 23. I'm finally ableto tell my family, but I was suffering from spousal abuse emotional, sexual, and physical from my military husband. I thought I was tough and could handle him, its a phase, hes stressed at work, its all the meds he's on. They were all excuses I'd tell myself. He cheated constantly, promised me he'd stop. I'd believe him, he made me feel weak and like I had no other choice.. I finally got up the courage to leave him earlier this year, got my own apartment and everything when his rage got worse and I was going to work and explain to my manager why I had a bruise on my cheek with a ring print.. I didnt tell her the truth. After I left, I didnt date anyone, I just focused on work and being positive, ignoring him, and trying to make a new future.. It wasn't even a month when I found out I was pregnant. I cried my eyes out, what was I to do? I was told I couldn't have children, so aborting it was not an option, it was a gift. A very unexpected gift I had no idea what to do next... I didnt tell my family or friends. I told him, and he was so excited and promised everything will get better this was our chance to start over and be a happy family.. I fell for it... I moved back in with him, we got a new house and our new start looked like it was going pretty well..then his anger broke the walls, the new furniture, and glasses would fly by my head..then the cheating continued and aggressively, he got in trouble at work for adultery and other things, prostitutes were calling his phone, I had enough. I finally broke down and called my parents and asked for money to come visit for thanksgiving. Just said I needed some space from him. My dad whose a retired military officer knew something was wrong, I was strong before, and he sensed something serious was wrong. Next thing I know his command came to get me, and said pack your things we're sending you to your parents.. I didnt say goodbye to him. I left with one suitcase, and my pets and hit the road..As soon as I made it home I balled my eyes out. I confessed everything, the abuse, that I was pregnant, and that I had no idea what to do.. Now i'm living at home at my parents house again, battling depression and I have no idea how to deal with this.I can't take pills to make it better, I can't drink, go out with friends as I have not a single one here. I use to cut myself for years, as my way of dealing, it released endorphins. I'd get tattoostocover the scars and I enjoyedthe pain.Now Icant do any of those things. I can't talk to anyone about it, my friends are all happily married and showing it off all over facebook, I just get to show off apregnancy belly and no ring on my finger. My family I can't talk to about itbecause its too much for my dad to handle, and my mom triesbut just makes it worse every time by telling me how much she loved him too and wanted us to be happy etc.I dont know where else to turn but to vent to completestrangers...
I'm not one whose been abused or ever would think to abuse anyone. But I find sorrow reading your story, It's sad to think that one in a uniform who is suppose to protect and serve would abuse and cheat. We have much different stories but I find myself in the same position. 22, depressed, and back home with mom, feeling like im at square one again. After going through my breakup I found myself following deeper and deeper into depression, sleeping on a different couch every night. I had it all and in a blink of eye it was gone. Similar to you I went out and got a full sleeve tattoo just to feel...something, anything. I told my artist I just wanted it demonic and let him do whatever about a 12 hour straight session. But feeling that made me feel like I was alive for that short amount of time. I sit here now pretty much doing the same thing as you, venting to complete strangers whom should care about my life at all, but just as you I hope for someone to reply shedding light on my day. I'm one in a tough depressing spot too, but I truly hope you live happily and never have to experience what's called you sorrow again. And maybe one day you and your loved one can truly fix things. Me being a recent addict knows how much meds can change someone, and they may not even notice it til the day you leave such as I did. I was never abusive but I did neglect my love one due to my use of prescription pills, and ever since she's left my hearts been empty and I can only wish I would of seen the pain I was truly causing. But I now live on hopes of that one day we can reconnect and I can make it all up, until then I just have to learn to live with it.
Your story makes me realize, I'm not the only one dealing with depression, and heart break. I'm sorry you have gone through so much. You sound deeply moved by what happened to you, and I truly hope you find some source of happiness.. One of my tattoos I got before I found out I was pregnant, you may like and it may help. I look at it every day and it helps just a little.. "Keep your face to the sunshine and you will not see the shadows" and I do personally think the medication had something todowith how he acted, because he wasn't on it when wefell in love. Butthe military ordered him to be on one med, that led to another, to another. Its hard not being able to see a personfor who they truly are when theyre maskedbya hazeofdrugs.I'm glad you were able to get out of it, truly I am. I just wish he could do the same.
i am so sorry about all this serious pain and hurt you are experiencing at this time in your life. Im sure you will find the strength to work through this and turn it all around. One day you will look back at this most diffcult time and realize you were stronger than you thought. Try to lean on the important loved ones in your life, and listen hard to their good advice. Good luck dear lady.