Possible Child Abuse?
Hey, it's Rem you might recognize me from my forum post on assault a few days ago? I wanted to make this post because I'm not sure but I think I faced abuse as a child?
first off, I know I am far better off than others in this forum. My parents always have me everything I asked for and we rarely ever got hit.
But the thing is, my parents also weren't the kindest parents.
They thought they caught my older sister using her tablet to play when we were kids and they smashed it to pieces with a hammer. She hadn't even been playing with it.
My mother used to drip molten candle wax on our hands whenever we lied until I was 10.
Anyone of us caught misbehaving would be locked in the balcony or the living room, depending on how bad we were, for hours at a time in isolation.
My father once threatened me with a knife for arguing with him when I was 8. It gives me nightmares 8 years later.
At this point my sister and I rely on ourselves and each other to raise each other more than we do our parents.
aside from that, emotional manipulation was, is rampant here. Anywhere from "you are a disappointment to me" to "you refuse to get better grades because you've never loved me or cared about my happiness" to "I want you to hit me for ever trusting you to be anything but useless"
Am I crazy?? Because I feel like there are a couple red flags here but also, they give me everything I need and want. I just want to know if I'm over reacting or if I have a reason to be upset
@warmheartedbranch9093 I'm sorry you and your sister had to go through such horrible things. You're not overreacting, what they did surely was traumatizing for children, and even adults. They didn't hit you but they used emotional abuse, dangerous/scary threats (using a knife and a hammer) and harsh punishments. There are always other people going through awful things but that doesn't mean what you and your sister had to face wasn't tough and scarring. I am here for you.
@warmheartedbranch9093
Dear Rem:
Great to hear from you again. You have become an active member of this Community, and we are grateful for that.
I also want to thank you, and compliment you for your candor and great courage in telling your story as it is. And asking for clarification and feedback.
Your voice is healing for all of us, and particularly for people that are still not willing to post, like you do, but that may have the same troubles and confusion going on in their lives.
They will feel encouraged by your example, see themselves reflected in your story, so to better understand theirs, be reassured that their situation is not unique, and benefit from the answers your post might get.
Going to your question, definitively YES, what you describe is abusive behavior. Beyond just putting it a word like "abusive", those things you describe are cruel, very damaging things to do to a child.
The fact that your parents provide you with objects, even very expensive ones, does not compensate at all for their damaging behavior.
People are complex, and often contradictory. Some people with severe emotional disorders, could give you a gift and a compliment, and the next moment attack you.
In fact, this pattern of contradictory behaviors is typical of child abuse, and because it is so confusing and maddening to the mind of a child, it's one of its worst traits.
So it's hugely important and valuable that you have spotted this contradiction, and analyzed the relationship, identifying its good and bad parts. It's a very, very healthy thing to do, keep at that.
I admire your bravery in the face of suffering these circumstances, and reacting in such a healthy, self-healing way.
You are awesome !
You set an example for people that might have also had the bad luck of parents with such severe emotional problems. First and foremost, you are a healing, empowering role model to your sisters.
You are also an example to anyone who reads or listens to your story.
I very much look forward to reading more of your thoughtful posts.
And, as I told you in our previous exchange, you can count on me forever.
If you would like at any moment to chat or send me a private message, you can do it by clicking my name at the beginning of this post.
I sincerely wish that things get better for you at home.
As you grow, keeping this clarity of mind that characterizes you, you will overcome all of this, and will become a healthy, powerful woman.
You will stop the "domino effect" of bad parents rearing kids that as adults become abusive to their children, and on and on...
You could also become a force for getting rid, in your community, of these terrible practices.
I wish you all the best, Rem.
Keep participating in this community !
Kind regards,
Marcelo
@WelcomeToChat
wow...you, you really know how to make a person feel amazing don't you? That was amazing to read, and I think I will get in touch with you soon. Thank you for being so supportive
@warmheartedbranch9093
Thank you, Rem, for your kind and sweet words !
You have become important to me. Your words mean a lot.
Keep in touch !
Marcelo.
@warmheartedbranch9093
Dear Rem:
I invite you to post here your opinion about Human Rights vs Cultural Practices in the context of Girl Child Abuse:
https://www.7cups.com/forum/TraumaticExperiencesCommunity_60/DomesticAbuseChildAbuse_601/RespectingRightsandrespectingCulturesHowthesevaluesfitinthecontextofGirlAbuseInternationalDayoftheGirlChildeventDay2_230080/
This Discussion is part of the "International Day of the Girl Child" awareness initiative by the 7 Cups Trauma Community.
Thank you for your participation !
Marcelo
@WelcomeToChat - Forum Supporter - Trauma Community
** NOTE: given the nature of the subject, some content might be triggering. **
Im sorry that abuse happened to you. you are not imagining it or overreaacting at all. destroying property and threatening with knives and putting kids on balconies outsidre is abuse. it sounds like your father wqas very selfishto think you got bad grades to hurt him. you did not deserve any of this and it is not your fault
@Riverswancycnus
Thank you for sharing your compassionate words !
I totally agree with what you said.
Nobody deserves to be mistreated like this, least a child, who is entitled to all the care and love in the world.
I also agree that it's not her fault at all. It´s inconceivable that such level of aggression could be thought as a legitimate reprisal to any behavior by a child.
Thank you for your valuable contribution !
I look forward to reading more of your posts !
Marcelo
it is abusive what they did, it's clearly that they were strong memories in your head that you mentioned and for me as long as the child is feeling hatred or scared making them feel unsafe is a sign that the parents are doing wrong at some points
