Partner abuse

Hello everyone,

So my story starts about 13 years ago. I fell in love with a friend and at some point he liked me too. He seemed sweet and caring. If I look back now. The manipulation started early on. He removed slowly the friend around me. Asking more of my time with comments like 'don't you love to spend more time with me?' He said my friends didn't like me. I started to believe him.

He wanted to move in together quit quickly. The abuse came slowly too. First it was a wall, then a door, a dinnerplate across the room. Then it was push against me. At some point it was his hands around my neck. The worst was the punishment for my snoring. He just kicked me really hard in my leg and when I woke up in pain. He pointed me to the door. I could sleep on the couch. It sounds less awful than hand around your neck but this happened at some point daily. I was sleep deprived and could hardly think normally anymore.

During this period I had a lot of depressions or perhaps already PTSD. I just could be happy anymore. With help of a therapist, I ended the relationship after 10 years.

Now 3 years later, I have PTSD. I have flashbacks, this feeling of darkness/unhappy and just feeling numb. I am an avoider. I try not to think about. But you know PTSD it will come back.

I have a new therapist and she is trying to help me. And it is helping a bit, but now this can of worms are open. I can't go back to ignoring this pain in my heart. Like right now it hurts so much. (I kinda just want lie and die). I know dark....

And I am really happy with my life right now. I am married to the sweetest guy ever. He gets me. But I don't want to bug him with all this stuff. I don't want to keep telling him about all the awful stuff.

So I am hoping you guys can help me. How do you deal with your PTSD? What helps to get better I suppose?