Emotional Abuse
#TW: emotional domestic abuse
'Understand the gray area between love and control before a bad relationship escalates.' - One Love Foundation
https://youtu.be/h_r72v3LA44
Would this be considered abuse? Or is this just a warning sign for potential future abuse?
How often would these episodes occur for it to be considered abusive? What if it only happens every few months.. or even every few years? What if he treats you really great the rest of the time? What if it never escalates beyond this.. even after many years together? Would it still be considered abuse.. or maybe just occasional dysfunction?
Signs of emotional abuse are sometimes difficult to detect. Unlike physical abuse, emotional abuse often suffered without the people close to the victim realizing it. Worst of all is that the victim is in makes not count because the depth of the abuse tends to increase so crescendo, making it justifies the abuse gradually she would not never have agreed from the start.
The abuser tends to project his words, attitudes or actions on the victim that he has chosen. This is one of his favorite strategies to evade any cognitive conflict that could question the false esteem of himself. It is also a way of attacking that of the victim, making them dependent and creating in them a feeling of distress or abandonment ..
So, How to identify if we are victims of emotional abuse?
the fact to answer to some questions can help you see more clearly in your the question:
The humiliation, degradation, denial, judgment and criticism:
Are there anyone who makes fun of you or humiliate you in front of others? Do they use sarcasm as a way to demean you or degrade you? Did they told you that your opinions or feelings are "bad" or have no importance?
Someone does it ridicules you regularly, rejects you, ignores your opinions, your thoughts, your suggestions and your feelings?
Domination, control and shame:
You think this person treat you like a child?
They correct you constantly or punishes you because your behavior is "inappropriate"?
You feel you must "ask permission" before going somewhere or do something, even when you take small decisions?
They control your spending?
They treats you like if you were inside with them?
They makes you feel that they are always right?
They reminds you of your faults?
They underestimate your successes, your aspirations, your plans and even who you are?
They disagree with disdain and/or pejoratively your looks, your comments, your behavior?
Accusation and guilt, trivial and unreasonable demands, denying his own shortcomings:
They accuses you of something wrong when they know it is not true?
They are unable to laugh at themselves?
They are extremely sensitive when it comes to other people who make fun of them, or made a comment that seems to show a lack of respect?
They apologizes for their problems?
They apologized because of their behavior or tends to blame others or circumstances for their mistakes?
How do they call you? By your first name, a nickname or a nickname?
Do they accuse accuse you about their problems or their misfortune?
Are they missing continually respect?
Emotional distance and silence, isolation, abandonment or emotional neglect:
Do they use blackmail of attention or affection?
They will not fulfill his duties or uses neglect or abandonment as punishment?
They play to throw the blame on you instead to take responsibility for their actions and their attitudes?
They do not realize or do not pay attention to how you feel?
They do not show empathy to you or asks questions to get information?
Codependence and entanglement:
Someone treats you, not as a whole person, but as an extension of themselves?
They do not protect your personal boundaries and share with you informations about which you disagree?
You suffer disrespect face to your demands and you do what others think it is right for you?
You need continuous contact and you have not developed healthy support network in your friends or companions in life?
If you answered yes to any of these questions, consider the possibility of actively confront you to the person who hurt you.
Talk about what happens with people you trust or with a listener on 7cups, because your detractor count of the fact that you will be silent.
Take away the image of the kind and understanding person in face of the others.
Finally, and most importantly, get help and followed by people competent or professional and defeats you of the intruder now, because no one must trample your life
Fantastic thread!!! Really love your response as well Tortue! Great! Thank you!!! 
This is so important
I still haven't gotten a straight answer.. probably because there isn't one! But I'll ask again just to see if I can get any more insight. I always read that emotional abuse is certain behaviors that occur regularly in the relationship. What is considered 'regularly'? How often is regularly, or occasionally, or rarely? For example, with abusive behaviors (verbally/emotionally).. is 5 times a year considered 'rare', or would 'rare' be more like 5 times in an entire lifetime?
I feel like most relationships have an occasional lapse, with reactive anger and abusive words or behaviors (such as name calling or punching a wall), simply because we are not perfect and don't always know how to handle emotions in the heat of the moment. So we do or say things we regret.
But having those rare/ occassional abusive moments doesn't necessarily mean they are an abusive person or that you are in an abusive relationship. The 'behavior' may be abusive and needs to be addressed/ corrected, but the 'person' is not necessarily an abusive person. Is this making any sense? The difference is that it's only a rare in-the-heat-of-the-moment lapse in judgement, and after that lapse they regret it and resolve to not be like that again (tho we all make mistakes).
Where is that line drawn? How can I tell if my husband is a genuinely good person who occassionally does abusive things in his anger.. or actually an abusive person who does good things??
@PeachT I can imagine just how confusing it must be trying to figure out everything - I have recently been in your position. Over the summer I was able to finally have a counsellor to help me identify some of the emotionally abusive behaviours my parents have put on me. It's really hard thinking through things, and I hope you are able to figure it out. Personally, the way I found out about them being the way they've been to me is because of the way I have been dealing with realtionships with my entire life. I always expect people to leave me because I feel worthless, like I'm not worth a lot to a nother person, which my parents have projected onto me. Because of some events where I lost all the people that ever meant anything to me in life, it kept me thinking; why do I always follow the same pattern? So that's how I got to that, and finally understood how my parents threatening to abandon me isn't normal. Remember however this is only my experience, but I hope it could perhaps offer some perspective? What works for one perosn doesn't necessarily work for another. Perhaps having a counsellor/trying something like that could help you deal wiht the thoughts and feelings you have about it all? Stay strong <3
