Childhood Trauma - Healing & Recovery on Process - Need Help!

Dear friends,

My time in this website was quite limited, only 1.2 years at max. I wanted to tell you a story today what I realized while Im going through my healing.

The reason why I joined here, was two folds one to forget about the memories, and two to help people.

In the way well there was a lot. I just got bogged down with it.

However to tell you the truth Im addicted to Porn, addicted to over eating, I generalize a lot about women, and when around them if they are not submissive or open or free to talk to, I go into flight or fight mode. I know I got into a lot of controversies, because I could not just stand and see girls and women be on the same level that I was in and I wanted to do all in my power to be secure on that side by adding more to my reputation and commitment even if that meant at their cost.

Ive done a lot of errors during my time here, exploited a lot of factors, and wanted to make a great deal of change, in short time. But well we all know what happened. Im sorry for all things that Ive done.

However this post is not about my time in 7cups. But it is about the things that shaped my world view and that I would need your help in a recovery, that I would needing your help as you can help me by praying for me.

My ChildHood!

Background:

Mom lost another twin who was born with me, she was shell shocked and I dont think she has recovered fully, I had a lot complications at birth, so my dad and mom spent their savings and sacrificed everything to save me. Honestly I could say that because of me from a decent middle class family they became close to being broke. They sacrificed not only financially but also socially by giving me entire of their attention.

Prelude:

I was a late learner, I loved to live in my own world, I use to go to school, same school as my moms and would just play in my own world for 6 hours each day! No Classwork, never.

Teachers would punish me, scold me or beat me and then tell my mom and who will do the same.

Disciplinary Sessions:

So every day, we used to have disciplinary homework sessions where most of the time my mom and sometimes my dad, both would sit w and I would just get beaten, while doing my homework. Every single day!

Normal people gets scolded or grounded at first they did not have impact on me, or they came as bundles, they were no punishment. They were usual.

Let me describe it more for you!

It would stand off with a simple slapping across, ear pulling and twisting, and then they would get their instruments or would just ask me to get it for them all while doing my homework and classwork.

Then as Im getting literally beaten, things would be thrown at me And oh yes I cannot defend myself. It would just repeat, I would be standing next to a wall and they the throwing will continue.

I cannot scream, shout or cry, I was not allowed to, because If I do that it wont just affect my punishment, even repeated begging did not help at all.

Then came the hard part, I would be told to be in a Human Chair Position (well you just have to stand like you are sitting in a chair, without an actual chair) for at least 10 minutes and they I was supposed to do 100 ear pulled squats with speed and accuracy. And ya the belting and others beatings just kept on continuing just to keep my physical punishment of the Human Chair and Squats going. Sometimes I would naked while all this happened.

The easy way out of these was to vomit, which I would do, they would take me to the bathroom where I can do in the floor which sometimes I would be forced to lick.

Then when everything was over I would either be locked in a dark terrace or a dark balcony for sometimes. Or I would be locked with the two main gates of my house lights turned on, for neighbors to see.

Addition: Verbal abuse & threatening well lets not talk about it, there was a lot, but nothing compared to scars on this side of the pain.

Two of them I remember: One, my mom told me that Im a disgrace to sacred womb of women.

No there was not fixed date or year that it happened in, it was a reality for me for quite a long year that I know.

There was another incident where my Dad would beat me with a hard rubber pipe and in some areas where it fell on my naked body (only I was allowed to wear my underpants) it would become purple.

Final note:

They have changed a lot, and they have forgotten it, I dont want to remind them, I dont want you to hate them, I just need healing from all of these, which is why Im asking you all to pray for me please.

My Physiatrist gave up on me.

Presently Im working with two awesome priests, by Gods grace, who are amazing.

My intention of this post is not to victimize them or preach hatred, no they were pretty amazing at times, we went for tours and this and that and so much, well we all have our good and bad times.

I just need your prayers.

I want to overcome my porn and all the other addictions of my life and I want to live my life as a good human being and as a good Christian, Ive forgiven my parents somewhat and Im trying to do it more. I need your prayers for that.

We have to become like Jesus, we all have our crosses, that is pretty daam hard, but Im sure God will give us the strength to bear it all.

Hugs!

Sam

Jesus loves you all!

@Laura @Glen

And all the others who wants to read it.

Thank you so very much!

God bless you all!

edited by dancingRainbow45 To comply with guidelines of community to avoid triggering others