Angry
I'm really angry at my biological parents for everything they put me through. They both sexually physically and emotionally abused me. They also sold me and my little brother to many different people. I knew I was abused and went to foster care at 12 but I didn't remember all that much at the time. I was in 29 foster homes 4 group homes and if no beds I was put in a mental hospital. I left at 18. I moved on with my life got married had kids great job and Bam on Christmas Eve a few years ago I was in a horrible car accident which resulted in a neck and back surgery and permanent nerve damage down my right arm. I am now on disability and my childhood has come rushing back with a vengeance. I struggle daily with flashbacks panic attacks self harming behaviors. nightmares sleep walking also have had 2 suicide attempts. I'm reaching out for any support for trauma survivors.
@generousEyes9755
All of that sounds really challenging and I couldn't imagine going through all that you went through. I wasn't put in foster home, but should have been, my siblings were and were extremely lucky with the homes they went to, but I know so many people don't get as lucky as they did and hear so many awful things. I've also first hand seen kids in foster care cycle in and out of psychiatric inpatient when I worked at one several years ago and it was just so devastating.
I want to be mindful of how I say this, but I look at anger, when it comes to trauma as a necessary stage of healing. It really sucks having to feel the anger and the emotions, and the flashbacks, but the anger usually means we realize we never deserved the awful things that happened. Many people with trauma get so convinced they deserved the bad stuff that they stay stuck.
Are you working with a therapist to help sort through the emotions and the traumatic memories? I know support outside of therapy is important, but having a therapist who is trained in trauma can really help a lot as well.
If you ever need to angry vent or chat, my messages are open, I may not respond immediately, but when I generally do my best to respond within 24 hours. I definitely encourage you to continue to use the forums for support as well!
