Traumatic Experiences Community Daily Check-In Friday August 24th 2018
Good morning/afternoon/evening everyone!!!
It's been a nice, quiet morning over here. I did laundry last night, and I've just got that taken off the drying rack and put away. I got my washing machine put away (I have a small apartment so I have a portable washer that hooks up to my faucet and drains into the sink), I did the dishes, and I got my kitchen cleaned up a bit - and it's not even 10am! After this, I have some homework to do, but it's just the first week work, so it's mostly introductions and syllabus quizzes, so not bad at all.
BUT
All that I've done this morning, and all I'll do the rest of the day, no matter how small a task it may seem, goes against everything I was made to believe about myself while growing up. I was always told that I was useless, worthless, stupid, how I would never do anything with my life, etc.
I've built all the furniture in my apartment. I sponsor four children. I give as much as I am able whenever I am able. I have done so well in school I got an "academic honors incentive" added to one of my scholarships, which means extra money each semester. At work I constantly hear people say things like, "What would I do without you?"
I am not useless - I am capable of a lot, and I prove that daily.
I am not worthless - my life has value, and I do for others all the time.
I am not stupid - I am actually quite smart.
I have done quite a lot with my life, and it's really only getting started.
Those are just four examples of negative beliefs that can be ingrained in us from a young age.
So today, I would like to challenge each of you to share a negative belief that still haunts you, and to flip it around to be a positive, like I just showed you with some of my own negative beliefs. Whether it's something like "I'm not ugly - people always tell me how pretty I am.", or something like "I do have control in my life - look at everything I've done for myself!", please at least try to share just one negative belief you have. 💜
Share a little
Share a lot
Share whatever you want in here
Because this is YOUR. SPACE.
We love you, and we are here for you💜
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@BeeLeigh
-safe tight huggles for now-
I'll come back later to answer properly
I always thought that people liked me because of my name or because of what I could do for them. Not for who I am as a person.
Nobody here knows me really and I am still loved and cared for. So I must be lovable and worthy.
For which I am grateful to all of you btw 
I have been called useless, stupid, told that I never learn, told that I'll never be able to hold down a job, lazy. Selfish. Many more but those are the things I remember.
These things have haunted me for years I think I am still trying to prove them wrong. So okay I'll challenge them.
I am not useless I can do many things and I've helped a lot of people.
I am not stupid and I do learn. I learn incredibly fast in fact. I just learn and remember in different ways to other people. I am also only interested in learning about things that interest me.
I can hold down a job, it's a fact ahah. I have been constantly employed since I left school at 18 and I am now the Tech Lead at a startup in London.
I am not lazy. I spend hours of my day gardening, working, building brick walls, etc. I am a person with a tonne of energy who likes to engage with life and have fun. I am worked incredibly hard to get where I am.
I am not selfish. People are important, being Autistic means I may find it hard to relate at times, but that doesnt mean that I dont care if you take the time to explain properly. I like to help people, I take pride in supporting others.
Well that was oddly therapeutic. I am not sure if I feel weirdly empowered or still disbelieving any of it is true.
Today will be a "just a Hi" day, sorry.
I hope you are all doing ok.
At the first I joined this website there wasn
@YourMiror1 I think you are right. With so many arab speaking people it makes sense that they are here too. ☺ Good that you found them.
@BeeLeigh leaving hugs for all. No energy for more
I hope you all fine today
Hi. Im new here. In February 2017 my baby brother, aged 37, died when his truck went off the road and smashed into a tree. He was an alcoholic and was driving drunk. In September 2017, I had a stroke. I was 44. In October of 2017, my father died from a lengthy illness.
As my mother was an alcoholic, and I was 6 years older than my brother, I did most of his care when he was a baby. I also have a younger sister, 2 years younger than my brother, that I also cared for.
I cant help thinking that if I had just been a better parent to my brother, perhaps he wouldnt have lived and died the way he did.
Thanks for listening.
I
@Wordwisegirl
Oh I'm so very sorry for the loss of your brother. I don't know if this thought brings you comfort - but how he had you, for as long as he had you, you were such a blessing to him. You did the best you could and you were so strong long before you should have needed to be. NOTHING was or is your fault. Please believe this!!!! ❤️❤️❤️❤️
@Wordwisegirl
Im so very sorry to hear what happened to your brother, what happened to you.
You talk about wishing youd been a better ‘parent to him, but you know that should never have been your responsibility right? You took that on from a young age in the absence of seeing it coming from other sources. But it wasnt your role. I wonder if youve come across the serenity prayer? It may have been something familiar to your brother if he ever tried to adddress his alcoholism, as its from Alcoholics Anonymous.
Wisdom is key here. Its easy to go through life feeling responsibility for so many things, wishing wed acted differently or changed the course of something. But there are things we simply cannot change, and it takes wisdom to recognise where our responsibility begins and ends. Your brother had an illness with his alcoholism. You didnt cause it, you cant control it, and you couldnt cure it.
I wonder if youve ever come across alanon? Its a free group for family members of alcoholics, and those affected by alcoholism. Theres so much guilt attached to alcoholism. Not just for the addict themselves, but also for those around them who feel responsible in some way. Alanon may help you unpick that guilt and sense of responsibility. Its certainly not yours to bear.
@Wordwisegirl
I'm sorry to hear what happened to your brother. I just want to say, "You did enough, what what you knew and what you had."
Hi
I'm really struggling. I can't think of the positives right now. 
@FloweringBunny
❤️❤️❤️❤️ I think you're pretty great!!!!
@FloweringBunny
You
I feel like a broken cell phone, you know the kind that has to constantly has to be on the charger. My battery goes down to 15% like 5 minutes after the charger comes off.
I am sick of being sick. I am so tired of being tired. I feel I am running on nothing. I barely have motivation . . .why am I doing this?
@Rebekahwriter13
Sometimes we trip and fall down. Sometimes we collapse in exhaustion. Maybe that's ok? Because sometimes we need to rest. But just know we are sitting with you.You are not alone!!! And whenever you're ready to get back up ... which you will because you are atronger than you realize ... we will help you up, cheer you on, and walk alomgside you. ❤️❤️❤️ You are worth SO much!!!! You are loved!!!! You CAN do this journey ❤️❤️❤️
@KLM3278
Thank you for the encouragement
@Rebekahwriter13
Here is a safe hug if you would like you ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
@KLM3278
Hugs and thank you.
@Rebekahwriter13
🐻❤️
@KLM3278
This is so true! I've going through this process!
@Silentwinds
❤️❤️❤️
@Rebekahwriter13
I believe you have hope that one day you won't feel this way anymore. So...keep holding on to it, until it comes.