Restlessness

I am using this spac today for sharing a sensorial experience that is usually called as restlessness. In India, girls are bounded or atleast the culture that I have been brought in (there are many other cultures here). The logic that my mother or any elder who is responsible for me feels that it is because they want to protect us. Now the situation is today I don't have anyone around home, no elders. I can easily be myself yet I fear to not go out of my house because I don't want things to happen to me that anyways happened when I had my parents with me. Elders or no elders there's no guarantee that the child or young adult will always be protected. Even after going through some traumatic times and working through life, a simple basic task of going out when you feel like to becomes difficult because now I am the one who's is responsible of my own decisions. Maybe I am just replicating the fears that my parents had that stemmed from a sense of responsibility and controlling the outcomes of any situation especially the ones related to safety and security. I hope that I become more empathetic towards so many people in the world that currently go through these issues but its immensely difficult as I just feel like I am indifferent to it and the feeling of restlessness reminds me of how much I try to forget or move away from this feeling or conflict of safety, security, responsibility. I am reminded of it again.