Unknown reason for destructive personality
I just need to know if there's anyone who has any insight because I believe I have an unusual situation. I have anxiety that I may have been born with (because it's present in my earliest memories) along with erratic thoughts and behaviors that I can't link to anything that happened in my life. I have triggers and avoidant behaviors that have caused me to wreak havoc on relationships in my life. I believe that I have AvPD traits (I'm 16, so I couldn't be diagnosed anyways.)
I feel like obsessing over the idea that something happened to me when I was too young to remember has become a coping tactic for being born defective. At this point it is one or the other, because I've never met anybody else like me. I don't have a clue what to do.
@rrrfox317 Welcome to MSF. I am not sure exactly how to answer your question. I can share some of my own experiences.
I had some traumatic events when I was young but I do not remember them in any detail. I used to blame those as the reason I did not succeed in certain things I did. But eventually I came to realize that those things are over and I can change my attitudes and expectations. I can act even if my actions are tainted by those experiences, they no longer define me. And besides there is no way to know now, so I no longer dwell on that but instead focus on what I can change in life.
Hope you find the support you are looking for.
