Struggling with Trust Issues from Past Experiences – Seeking Support and Guidance
hi there,, How to move on from a feeling? the scenario is the my wife before marriage when she was my fiance talked to a guy regarding what sex is and how to do it and some technicalities, she thought he was guiding her but yesterday out of mistake I came across that chat and I realized he wanted nothing but wrong stuff from her and due to my past experience of living in an infidel relationship I have hard time believing that she didn't know about his true intentions, I just don't want it to be what I think it is. I am trying my best to trust her as she hasn't given me a reason not to, but it's just that past thing is messing up big time. I don't want to be hurt nor I want to hurt her by telling her that I am having hard time with trusting 100%, what should I do? And no leaving is not an option so anyone saying that will be reported. This isn't worth leaving my soulmate </3
@reservedLake4903 I hear hoiw this pains you. That must be rough for you to not react to all those past triggers and still stay present and be yourself in the relationship.
I have been pained in my relationships thinking that someone is mine and will always be mine. What I missed was that I was more concerned about infidelity so I missed out on appreciating the relationship. But I am learning not to act on suspicions. Anyway if I cannot change the situation why get angry. FOr me the best action seems to be really be a nice person so my partner wants to be with me. So I avoid negative emotions as much as I can and try to cultivate nice feelings between us.
@soulsings how do you accept negative emotions as I believe suppressing them have repercussions. I know my wife is mine, I don't need reassurance about that I fully believe that part. I just feel bad whenever I remember what I read, it just takes me back to my last relationship where I found out infidelity via her texting to her ex so these two kinda overlap with eachother and gives off same feeling despite this not being cheating but I had developed a 0 tolerance to anything closely relating to cheating
@reservedLake4903 I am sorry you are still experiencing trauma from a previous relationship. Getting over trauma can be a challenge. I think letting go of that other relationship and bringing it to a close in your mind my help.
When I see negative thoughts and emotions come up, it is important for me to either sideline them or reinterpret them to a more neutral or positive outcome. For example, a person was unfaithful to me and when that comes up I remember that she wanted to be happy just like me. and she must not have been happy in our relationship. I have to let go of thinking she was mine. Every relationship is not permanent, so it does not exist in that way. What I experience at that time was the relationship.