Vent
It’s like the world is grabbing me and playing me like a puppet. I don’t think i’m a bad kid, or raised wrong. It’s just the sinking feeling that there’s nothing for me in the future. No light at the end of my tunnel, I mean would there be any light if i’m really hear right now talking to people who are only hear to make me feel better about myself. I mean great on everyone trying to get better and all but i guess i just don’t deserve this, i feel selfish even reaching out to anyone seeing as i can’t even see what’s wrong with me. And god knows i can’t pay for therapy, seeing as no one has responded to me shows that im just not that type of person to be here. I don’t belong anywhere i have nobody to talk to and the only real friend i have im not even close anymore. I raised myself wrong i guess you know it’s my fault as a kid i didn’t even see me trying to use this app. I don’t do depression my friend sees it as a choice but i don’t feel deppresed anyway there’s no way to even describe the feeling i have and my thoughts. And the fact that my inner voice disappeared makes it so much worse it’s like i can’t talk to anyone not even myself anymore. I really hope this message dosen’t come back to bite my ***. If be the luckiest man alive if someone could tell me what is the real reason i feel nothing and have no one?
@intuitiveComputer9205
You seem to be very harsh on yourself. When stress begins to accumulate from negative or challenging events in life that just keep coming, you can find yourself in a state of feeling emotionally worn out and drained. It can reach the point that your body just shuts down temporarily. You might not feel anything anymore or even hear any voice inside of you. It's a painful state to be in. It might help to talk to a listener 1:1 here and share step by step what's going on in your life to break down the "brick wall" that has been built between your feelings and your consciousness.
You are very welcome here and I'm glad you took the courage to reach out and hope that you will find on this site the support you need.
Almost every single thing you've said, I can relate to that. I have felt and thought the same. All I can say is that, suicide is not worth it...even though its alluring. I am just trying to survive and take it one day at a time. Even I don't know the answer, but all that I know is that suicide is not an option.
Also, as for this platform... using this platform doesn't mean something is wrong with us. And you are not selfish for reaching out. There is nothing wrong is leaning on others or taking support. We all are here for you. Of course maybe as you've said not in a close related way, but when you need help we will be here for you. Just patience is required as some don't respond quickly.
Despite the way our strings feel pulled, try to be resilient (I know you are) and try to take one day at a time. We might not get entire answer now. But, lets continue👍
@intuitiveComputer9205
I feel the EXACT same way. It's horrible, I hope you at least get better even if I don't!
💜
If you’re thinking you don’t deserve to be on this app, that just means you really do. Everyone on here is here for you, even if you don’t feel like it.
