Feeling mom guilt and defeat
Mom of an almost 2 and almost 4 year old here. My marriage isn’t the best and we bump heads on parenting because I do everything to run the household and hubby doesn’t do much, but always has his 2 cents to give about how my parenting isn’t working. Makes me feel like a failure as my kids don’t listen. I feel burnt out doing everything and trying to balance home and work life while trying to keep everything together. For everyone. But myself. I feel empty and dead inside. I have no emotions left to give or feel, except for exhaustion and self disgust. I can’t feel empathy or sympathy when my oldest gets hurt or gets in trouble. It’s always an I told you so situation and cause and effect of their actions that I can’t be bothered to feel bad for. I told you 100 times if you do that this will happen. Then it happens they get hurt and I’m there saying told you so instead of comforting. I feel disgusted in myself and hate who I am becoming. I have no much mom guilt and feel like I am ruining them and being too hard on them. But I need to be or they’ll keep walking all over me. My relationship is not good and talk of him leaving always comes up during these times and I just feel so lost and alone.
@antihero9 I am so sorry that you are suffering from an unsupportive husband that is generous with opinions but does not want to help. I am not sure, but from what you say he may be gaslighting you and emotionally abusing you because you feel like your self esteem is so low and you believe you cannot do anything right. I do not know what his intentions are but from your reaction, you are not only not being supported you are being knocked down and beat up emotionally. No one should have to go through that.
Kids rebel against their parents. It happens. If you did not have a partner cutting you up verbally so much you might have more self compassion which is where compassion for others starts. If your partner had more compassion for you they would start talking about what "we" can do to make things better.
I do not know how to solve the situation you are in, but you deserve some support. Ever consider getting a therapist who is supportive and specializes in survivors of abuse. You need someone on your side to help you fend off and not believe the falsehoods others spread to you and the ways you can handle the stress of motherhood.
Someone who knows you well as a professional can better help you go figure out strategies so you do not feel like everything is your fault because it isn't.
Mothers give so much to kids to help them grow up. It is a long process and they may not always listen but they will eventually learn. Hope you get the support you are looking for.
