CLOSED to anymore questions feel free to read answers by Paola, a therapist of 7cups Online Therapy
Hi everyone!
Welcome to the second in a series of monthly events called "The Therapist's Office". This
is an AMA thread dedicated to your questions about therapy and how you
might benefit in coping with particular challenges you face in your
life. The therapist’s answers to your questions will follow some time
within a week after the thread is started, in this case by the 15th of
October. To subscribe, so you can follow this thread and the therapist's
answers, either post a question in this thread and/or hit the subscribe
button in the upper right to get alerts when new posts are made to this
thread.
We welcome your questions, but what type of questions should I ask? We welcome questions about therapy and coping skills for particular mental health challenges you face.
This month's therapist answering questions is Paola Giordani,MA, therapist of 7 Cups online therapy program. To learn more about them check out their profile.
Please avoid asking the therapist for specific advice like "should I date this guy after meeting him online?" You may ask the therapist for coping options with the particular mental health challenges you face and they can share options that you may want to consider, but this is not an advice column. It is more like a place to learn about how online therapy at 7 Cups could help you deal with life and the many challenges it presents.
If you have any customer service-related questions please email mailto:support@7cups.com as they cannot be answered in this thread. Finally, please avoid questions about medication and drugs as these are best suited to be answered by your physician, and anything not normally discussed in 7 Cups forums.
If you have a question about this thread, please feel free to PM me https://www.7cups.com/@soulsings
I am subscribed to this thread and eager to hear your questions and the therapist's answers.
I have long term depression and I have this sleep issue that I get nightmares quite often and sleepwalk sometimes. My psychiatrist and me have been concentrating on dealing with depression as a cause of this and therefore we don't specifically have any treatment for sleep issues mentioned. I still would want to know if there are other supplementary options to deal with these problems.
@rationalLunch35 It might help you to try to meditate or do mindfulness before going to bed. That way you feel more relaxed and probably get sounder sleep. And you could also benefit from therapy, there you could talk to a trained therapist about your nightmares and sleepwalking and with that help try to find different ways to deal with them.
@PaolaGiordaniMA
Thank you for answering the question.
It's been several years since my trauma occurred, and I still get flashbacks. It's frustrating because I feel like I'm not getting better.
@Marigold357 I can certainly understand why you'd get frustrated. Dealing with trauma can take a longer time than we would wish. Maybe it would be helpful to undertake therapy again to see why you keep having those flashbacks, there are different types of therapy that could help you. It would be worth looking into.
too keep a long story short my ex broke up with over text, we eventually got on good terms and became friendly, then he led me on for about a month then decided out of the blue to be done with me and that he hates me. I feel like him leading me on has kept me from getting closure and it’s driving me insane. I keep contacting him trying to get him to have a conversation with me about it but he just keeps blocking me. It’s gotten to the point where I’m going completely insane and I know my actions aren’t okay but I feel l can’t stop since I don’t have that closure. I was wondering how to cope with the breakup/hurt/betrayal so that I don’t keep harassing him to talk to me since he clearly won’t do that
@pinkfittonia2018 You've gone through an awful situation, it really hurts and it's very easy to find oneself looking for answers. One does think one needs to talk to the person to achieve closure, but you really don't. You need to find that closure within yourself. Talk to yourself kindly and reach a conclusion about why you (not him) do not want him in your life.
I haven't been in therapy for a little over a week because my insurance won't pay for her office anymore - something we're working on. Before this, I didn't have any night terrors related to my trauma for a long time. The night terrors I was having while with my therapist were somewhat humorous (e.g., a pink unicorn attacking me).
Last night I had a night terror that was related to my trauma. Usually, I can get up for a bit and be fine. However, last night my brain got stuck and I couldn't get it to move on. I don't know what's causing the night terrors again or how to make my brain move on once I do have them since what I was doing is no longer working.
Thank you.
@777Bre777 I am sorry to hear about the trouble with the insurance, hopefully it'll get cleared up and you can continue with your therapy. Sometimes with night terrors this happens, there are things you can do to cope with them. You might try mindfulness before bed, it tends to help obtain a more relaxed sleep. There's also the option of medication, if you'd like to go that way. There are also various specialized government online sites that provide specific details and information as well as suggestions.
Things happened, the relationship we had was over for my wife. She agreed on marriage counselor, and did not want a divorce. More things happened, I got seriously triggered (related to old traumas, getting help on that). My wife couldn't cope with my behavior and said she wanted a divorce (said so 2 months ago). She immediately informed all her friends and family.
We are still counseling. We both agree it would be better if I move. Can't afford yet, so still living under the same roof. Trying to deal with a nasty pattern we developed.
She also added recently that she doesn't want obligations, expectations,
I am confused, and don't know how to deal with being confused (or better, what to do to not be confused).
Reason being she wants me in her life (her words), I am the love of her life (counselor said that as my wife cannot say that herself). She wants me to stay close by when I finally move. So we can meet. She said to our mediator (nice empathetic guy who arranges the divorce paperwork) that we will always take care of each other. She keeps me at a distance, and only shows when she is tired and got bad news. Lots of mistrust.
So, I don't find it weird that I am rather confused. Don't know how to deal with it.
@dukeofdearham I can see that your situation is difficult to understand and what you are going through is rough on you. It seems to me that you might benefit from bringing up this confusion in your marriage counseling and work on that. Both of you need to work on this, from my point of view.
Having weird thoughts about dying. Got my tests done everything's healthy. Scared. Depressed. Panic attacks. Maybe because recently my grandfather passed away. Don't know how to stop thinking such negative things. I haven't slept properly in 2 months because of the fear of not waking up. Help.
@vtatamic1234 You are having a tough time right now and from what you say you would really benefit from an ongoing therapeutic process. Your grandfather's death seems to have impacted you greatly, so much so that you are scared of dying even when your tests tell you that you are fine. I would suggest you find a therapist so that you can work on these issues so you can sleep and rest without the anxiety.
My mom is so abusive, she abuses me in particular emotionally, physically and it's taking a toll on my mental health..
She once threw me out of a moving car because I didn't have notes in school
She also influences my dad to hate me as well ....
I sh and I know I shouldn't but I just hate myself for being here.. I don't want to lose my life, I don't want to be here either, I just everything to be fine
@thecraziestsystem It's very important that you seek out therapy, the situation you are facing requires help and the sooner you can do it, the better. You can also try and see what resources your community offers, many places have clinics that can provide some help. I encourage you to find out about this and to search out a therapist so you can work out how to overcome this situation.
@PaolaGiordaniMA Hi Paola! In response to a teen who is in conflict with both parents, such as @thecraziestsystem appears to be, I think "seek out therapy" is surprising advice. Here in the UK, for example, a teen in this situation would almost certainly find it impossible to seek therapy independently. Maybe things are different in Mexico? Of course, 7 Cups itself does not provide therapy for teens.
More generally, for a teen who is suffering abuse at home, it seems to me that telling any trusted adult what's happening might be a more practical first step. The trusted adult might be another family member, a teacher, counsellor, religious leader, doctor etc. In some places in the world (but certainly not all) there are confidential telephone helplines for teens.
What 7 Cups does offer is listeners who can provide emotional support in a difficult situation like this. For example, chatting to an experienced listener might be a useful way to decide which trusted adult to tell, and how to go about telling them.
Charlie
@RarelyCharlie. Thank you so much for your feedback! I totally agree with this and yes, things are different in every part of the world. :)
@soulsings
Dear Paola,
Thank you for doing this. I would like to ask you about dealing with social anxiety and overprotective parents.
Thanks once again! 💜
Love,
-Angel
@lyricalAngel70 I would suggest for social anxiety to learn different techniques (breathing, stress-relief) to handle this situations more effectively. It would also be important to try social interaction through baby steps, preferably by a professional to guide you slowly and certainly in facing social anxiety. Regarding overprotective parents, I think talking with them about the situation, asking for them to keep their mind open and stating your needs clearly could help. It probably won't take one conversation, but that might be a good way to start.
You're very welcome!!
@PaolaGiordaniMA
Thank you so much, dear Paola. 💜❤
I agree that although talking to overprotective parents can be a long and exhausting process, the conversation has to be initiated someday.
Hello Paola,
I struggle with self esteem and social anxiety. I've tried many things to address these issues. For the self esteem, I've tried exercise and getting in shape, making lists of things I like about me, positive affirmations, volunteering. For the social anxiety, I've tried putting myself out there with things like volunteering and taking classes in a bunch of different hobbies. I've tried deep breathing, positive thinking, mindfulness, meditation, online CBT exercises, journaling.
In case you are going to tell me "these things take time", you should know that I've been doing them for years already. I've also explored the causes and know why I am this way, but that knowledge has not helped me manage or cope. None of it has helped me improve my self esteem of to be manage my social anxiety enough to form friendships with other people. I'm 50 years old and I've never had a friend, never been in a relationship or even on a date because of my struggles.
My questions is, what strategies other than the ones I have already tried would a therapist suggest to me to help with self esteem and social anxiety.
@FrozenGhost Thank you so much for your detailed question. I think that maybe it's time for things different than strategies. If you already know the cause and you've done all these strategies that you mention, it would be worth a try to do a different kind of therapy. It could benefit you to go to group therapy for social anxiety. In the group setting there are different kinds of situations and goals that can probably help with both of these issues. The fact that it is group therapy broaches both situations and allows for a different kind of growth.
Thank you, Paola,
But I asked for strategies because I cannot DO therapy, group therapy or individual therapy. I can only discuss these things anonymously. So this was my chance to ask a professional like you for ideas. Please, if you have any other ideas, anything at all other than therapy, please tell me. Thank you for your time.
@FrozenGhost I am sorry you have struggled for so long with self esteem and social anxiety issues. Without going into therapy, I know of one way that may help with these issues.
The Fifty Plus and Mindfulness communities cooperate with safely moderated and supportive sessions in the group support rooms according to this schedule.
Rooms open 5 -10 minutes before. I see people coming in and lurking or they can ask questions or greet others. It is a small step, but these support groups are intended to help people find socialization in a safe place where responses can be as short as you feel is comfortable. We offer a number of discussions a week at various times.
I hope you get the support you are looking for.
Thank you soulsings
@FrozenGhost
Friend. I hope soulsings answer will help you a little bit. Please don't be angry at me, but I want to recommend Jesus Christ, the friend above all friends. He knows your heart, all your thoughts/feelings and He is the one that loves you and me with an everlasting love.
From your friend Helga.
Thank you, Helgafy
I am an atheist and believe in no gods, but I respect the beliefs of others and I thank for your kind wishes.
Hi Paola!
I'm a parent of a college Freshman, and I'm struggling to "let go" and start caring for myself. (Honestly, I'm probably speaking for me and all the other moms I've been talking to who are in the same situation and feeling the same way.) For 18+ years I've cared for my child - but he's an adult now, and away from home and learning, growing, making his own choices, mistakes, plans, etc. While he's learning how to be an adult, I'm struggling to become the parent of an adult. I worry about him frequently. My mind goes to all the things that could go wrong (instead of living in the moment and being positive), and then I just fall apart and my anxiety gets out of control.
I was doing a good job of practicing mindfulness and meditation, but I let that slide for a few months. Now I'm starting it up again because it was helping before. Any other suggestions on how I can relax my fears and start enjoying this next phase of life I'm entering? It's a huge and scary adjustment.
@thoughtfulmomma First of all, I'd like you to know that, as you well said, feeling sad or anxious when your child leaves for college is not uncommon at all. Parents have so much love for their children, and it’s hard to get used to those children being grown and gone. But that’s what it’s all about: getting accustomed to the differences. Get back to mindfulness and meditation, it will help again. Try to use your time to experience new things and focus on what you can control: your day to day activities, reconnecting with activities you left aside while raising children, etc. It is a scary adjustment and it'll take a bit of time and work. The main thing is that you maintain a growth mindset: knowing that this is a growing experience for you and your family as a whole.
@thoughtfulmomma
Hi!
I think Paula gave you a very good answer. May I add: Each time you're worried about him, place him in Gods/Jesus Christs arms and pray for him to be safe there.
From Helga.
