I feel to safe to stop

I started using again two weeks ago after a period of abstinence and recovery in a 12-steps fellowship. I also feel like hurting and disappointing everyone and being ungrateful for the gifts I had in recovery, which causes me to feel pressure to get out of relapse because of a moral responsibility towards the loving people in the fellowship that seem to love me still although I am using again. I dont know what is necessary or what must happen before I am able to decide to reach out for the solution, which is recovery in the fellowship, working the steps with my sponsor. Knowing the solution doesnt mean you choose it. There must be something that keeps me from choosing the right path. I wish there was a striking rock bottom, a consequence or incident that inevitably leads me to the desire to stop using. Because this is the only requirement for getting into the program. Which is the solution.

But for how long should this state of „guarded using continue? When will the consequences turn unbearable or dangerous, deadly? Arent they bad enough yet? Why do I feel so safe, too safe to stop?