I always go back

I know I have a problem but I always end up going back. I don't use or drink everyday but when I do it's catastrophic. No matter how much time passes once I get it in my system I've screwed up everything I've worked towards. Last weekend I blew away $1000 for something I needed just to go on a binge and party. Once it's in my system I can't stop no matter what I tell myself, I can't stop. I don't drink everyday and sometimes for months on end but each time is as catastrophic as the last.