Coping?

Hey there! I'm not exactly familiar with the situation you're in since i've never had a similar experience but instead of trying to answer "Why do i do it" have you ever tried to ask yourself "Why don't i stop?" and in case the answer to that, like you said one side of you thinks is, "living life and having fun", what about the harmful aspects of using the substance and the harm it can cause to you? Does a part of you include that into the "enjoying life" bit?

I see you've used substances in your past and you've also successfully cut off those habits ~ doesn't that say anything about why you should quit this time too?

What are some other healthy activities you enjoy engaging yourself in?

@BarelyWithTheNakedEye

Thanks for the replies you two..

Thing is like, using drugs here and there really isn't the center of my life.

I'm able to go without it or whatever.. I'm well aware of any harm it may cause to ones self.

I also don't think I use it to like escape from anything because example, when I was younger, it was all just about the fun. So not escaping anything.

Recently, I did it "for fun" again but it then ended up making myself dig deep and this is how I've reached the point of realizing I've been living on the surface for a long time now. Since that point of looking within, it opened a part of me that was suppressed. Since it was suppressed for so long, it all hit me at once.

This is how and why I found this site.. it literally lead me here. I mean hell. I started out at this site so confused and conflicted about why I was feeling the way I did. That confusion just made it all worse.

This past Friday, I came to the realization I actually really needed and I'm not longer confused.

So.. if I really think about it. I really don't feel like it's an escape.

My girlfriend's brother is a drug addict. Has been on drugs since 13 and is now 31. If I look at him. The hurt he has caused to his family and still does to this day. The way he harnesses them, mentally and emotionally abuses them. The life style he lives. The blame he puts on the family for why he is where he is today..

Then I look at myself.. and I just really cannot relate to that life.

So. My initial post I don't think is to find help etc. Its not like I'm sitting here and don't want to admit I have a problem. Genuinely. I'm just looking for someone that can relate really, because I really just cannot relate to an addict or a recovering addict..

I don't know if any of that makes sense but that's just the way I was able to express my thoughts on this.

Also just to note, I'm definitely not being that person who recommends drugs to open parts of you that are in your subconscious.. like yes it can do that and all, but we should just be honest and say we do what we do for whatever reason. I'm not about the "I do it recreationally for enlightenment" life. In my opinion that's not really being honest about it. No disrespect to those who feel that way. Each to their own.

Just wanted to provide clarity on the point I made about it recently bringing me to deeper realisations.