How do I encourage my partner not to drink during our holiday together?
I need advice on how to suggest/remind my partner not to drink.
My partner is a recovering addict. He's dealing with a lot mentally thats pushing him to cope with substances. I'd say he's high functioning because he can go to work regularly and isn't always on them everyday, but once he takes one drink or does one line there's no way to tell what he'll do or when he'll stop.
Next week we're going on a holiday together and he wants to go to a beach club to celebrate his birthday. There's usually a minimum spend for places like that and an easy way to cover the minimum spend is to buy alcohol. I've told him I won't be drinking and we can just get lots of food throughout the day, but he's given no indication he won't be drinking. I just want to remind him to try not to drink that day if he can afford to but don't know how to do it in a delicate and encouraging way.
He's told me before that his end goal is to be sober and I know he's taken many steps and put a lot of effort in his recovery. I don't want this to be a setback to his recovery but I don't want to offend him by bringing it up either. Any suggestions on what to say?
@neatTangerine2247 This feels tricky. My sense is that telling him not to drink might be a “push” in the wrong direction. If he knows that his drinking will probably ruin the vacation for you he should already have his own plan for how to deal with this. It’s kind of not your job to be the barrier between him and alcohol. What’s your plan for enjoying this vacation whether he drinks or not?
@hopefulPond6108
I get what you mean that saying that might be a push in the wrong direction. I mostly try to give him space and only speak about it if he brings it up first, but I guess I'm just worried. I totally agree that it isn't my job to come between him and alcohol, only he can decide and will himself not to drink. I just wonder if there are any ways I can support him so it's easier to decide/do that.
I'm planning to explore a little on my own if he'll be too drunk to do that with me. And I think I can still get good local foods to buy and enjoy with him even if he's not going to be fully sober.
Getting a bottle of champagne for another table is such a good idea! Thank you for your reply 🤍
@neatTangerine2247
It is a hard thing to deal with sometimes the amount of drinking that is somehow expected in social situations.
had people at restaurants ask not once but like 3 times.... frequent flying often gets you free drinks and like you said a purchase minimum... that most would just meet with buying drinks.....
It as if they have either zero clue or give a hoot about those in recovery or those who have serious issues with drinking. I have been worried when out that my partner may indulge and then things go badly.
i found that when i said things like examples above that "it is so hard to not drink in light of so many pushing this on you"
it was a gentle reminder of his sobriety and he agreed and said thanks later in the evening
@toughTiger6481
You're so right. It's difficult trying to get sober when socially its an expectation to drink. I think more people need to be mindful of this.
I've seen my partner try so hard to enjoy a social event sober just to have his friends (who claimed they were supportive of him trying to be sober) rub it in his face that they're drinking and that he cant, or just buying him drinks anyways. It's a little frustrating to see and I wish there are ways I can make it easier for him.
I get that a gentle reminder might be helpful. I appreciate the example you gave me a lot! I think I'll try to give him a gentle reminder in that way too, hopefully it'll help him or at least not upset him. If you have any more inputs do let me know! Thanks for replying 🤍
