I’m on the bus again

I don’t think it’s in the book but there’s a saying in AA that you might be early on with the bus but it will eventually go to California if you don’t get off. I see people early on the bus I have friends who drink and my brother drinks. Right now I’m managing to stay home and not get into trouble but I just had a very concerning abdominal ultrasound where they thought I had pancreatic cancer. Even if I “get away” with drinking I avoid the negative consequences like being stopped by police or getting picked up by random men I know I can’t “get away” with organ failure. I’m on Lithium so it’s extra concerning every doctor has told me I’ll get Lithium toxicity. But it’s very hard the more dumb things I do while drinking the more I want to drink to forget the dumb things I did. Lately it’s just been drunk calling people so that’s quantifiably better than what I used to do but it still makes me feel ashamed. I read a lot of therapy stuff idk would I be best off focusing on my values like ACT? Usually when I don’t drink it’s because I don’t want to be drunk for xyz important thing.