Despair is about to win the war!
I've been struggling from the day I started my college education. But, everything was coming together after I took my major. I chose that major myself without any pressure from my family. But now, I feel like I'm not able to manage everything. There are a lot of things to study. I know that I have a lot. But, my mind is not set to study. I'll waste my time on something and every day, I'll regret wasting my time. I don't know how to describe that. I have a lot to do, not only academic things but even chores too. I'm just not being able to do anything. I'm procrastinating on everything. Since I could get good marks in the last semester, I have the pressure to meet those expectations. There are a few subjects which I'm struggling to understand. The rest of the subjects are okay, I'm confident that I can do well in those. When I think about those two harder ones, I feel miserable!
Last year was one of the best years of my life. This year, I feel like I'm so unlucky. The internship that I was about to get, I lost it. I've been trying to apply at some other places too. But, I'm not getting any replies. I don't know whether I should search for other internships or instead study for upcoming exams at that time. There's so much going on. I'm wasting my time too. I feel like a dumb person. Whatever I'm doing these days, I regret that at the end of the day. Is it too much to handle or am I being lazy? I'm so confused right now! Sometimes I feel like I'm not worthy of anything good. Why does this happen? If there's sadness, there should be happiness too. Right?
@imaginativePineapple3079
Prioritize self-care activities like exercise and relaxation, challenge negative thoughts, and establish a daily routine. Stay connected with others and consider seeking professional help if needed. Remember that you're not alone, and with support and self-care, you can overcome these challenges and emerge stronger. With downs, no matter how long, there are always ups that equally matches.
@jperson99
Sometimes I try to follow a routine. But, it won't last long. I can keep up with that only for a few days. I'm forgetful. So, I'll always make reminders if I have something to do. When there's not enough time, I'll have to adjust my current situation and skip some things like exercising. Communication is something that I always struggle with. Since I don't have many friends, I'm almost always alone. I can say that I'm excluding myself from everything. I have a reason for doing that. Till last year, I was trying to make friends, talk to new people, and was trying to come out of my shell. But, in the end, I realized that everybody was using me. When they need something, they'll come to me. So, decided it was better to be alone. Because of how my past friends treated me, I'm scared even to make friends. I'm a people pleaser kind of person who's still learning to say 'NO'. When somebody asks me something, I used to prioritize them even before my work. It took me one year to realize that I don't have a true friend here at my college.
I have a few good friends. It's a long-distance friendship. They're the ones who made me their friend without expecting anything from me. Even with them, I struggle with communication. Whenever I think of contacting them, I feel like I'm bothering them. But, we do call each other once in a while.
I do like being alone. But, sometimes I wish there was someone with me.
I'm tired of trying to be the "Good Girl". Everything will be okay. Right? I just have to be patient. There'll be a good time, just like you said.
@imaginativePineapple3079 Hi, I'm so sorry you're having to experience this. To be honest, this reminds me so much of what it was like for me to start university. I got diagnosed with ADHD in late 2022 and it changed my life, because I learned that procrastination was meant to be a choice this whole time. That's why people were so hard on me - because they thought I made the choice not to work, as opposed to feeling completely stuck and unable to do anything. My problem was that even though I knew about the importance of a routine, a good work ethic, study techniques etc, I didn't even have the ability ot do those. When I got help for my ADHD, I was suddenly able to actually use all the advice I had gotten.
I wouldn't want to suggest that you have a particular condition or another (especially because executive dysfunction, which is the technical term for what you're experiencing, is not specific to ADHD but can also affect people with ASD, depression etc.), but I would like to at least reassure you that this does not seem to be a problem with your intelligence or your work ethic. I would obviously recommend trying to follow the advice about routines, self-care and whatnot, but if that doesn't work (which is okay, it doesn't work for everyone, but it's still worth trying). But if that doesn't work, I would suggest talking to a doctor, if possible. You deserve to feel in control of your life, and there might be something they can do. If you have any questions or want to talk to me about this, my DMs are open. I hope things start feeling easier soon <3
@heartfulFireworks6465
Thank you so much for sharing your experience. I was suspecting that I had ADHD. I don't think I'll be able to seek professional help soon to confirm. I don't think my family can understand or accept this. When I could see some relatable experiences, I started suspecting whether I had ADHD. Later, I convinced myself that it was just me overthinking. I was a brilliant student during my school time. I can't do that anymore. Something happened in between. My parents always scold me for not being like my hardworking sister. Unlike her, I can't concentrate for long. Maybe I never recognized the signs, and everything went smoothly till the academic load started burdening me. I suppose that's what happened. But, there's no use in looking back. I should better accept the situation and look for solutions. If my parents came to know that I took professional help, they'd think that there's something wrong with me. I don't want to be the reason for their worries.
Hello, @imaginativePineapple3079. I'm @ThoughtsBubbleExpress and I'm here to listen to you and offer some support.
I can sense that you are feeling overwhelmed, stressed, and frustrated by your college education and your internship search. You have a lot on your plate and you are finding it hard to balance everything. You are also feeling disappointed and doubtful about yourself and your abilities.
First of all, It is normal and understandable to feel this way when you are facing so many challenges and expectations. You are not alone in this. I'm a college student and I struggle with similar issues and emotions. You are not dumb or lazy or unworthy. You are a smart, hardworking, and valuable person.
Secondly, I want to commend you for choosing your major based on your interest and passion. That is a brave and admirable decision. You should be proud of yourself for following your dreams and pursuing your goals. You should also be proud of yourself for doing well in the last semester and for being confident in most of your subjects. That shows that you have the potential and the skills to succeed in your academic endeavors.
Thirdly, I want to offer you some suggestions that might help you cope with your difficulties and improve your situation. These are not meant to be solutions or advice, but rather some ideas that I use and you can consider and try if you feel comfortable and ready. Here they are:
- Prioritize your tasks and goals. You can make a list of all the things that you have to do and rank them according to their importance and urgency. You may Focus on the most important and urgent ones first and then move on to the less important and less urgent ones. This can help you avoid feeling overwhelmed and procrastinating. You can also use a planner, a calendar, or an app to keep track of your tasks and deadlines.
- Seek help and support when you need it. Don't be afraid to ask for help from your professors, tutors, classmates, friends, family, or counselors. They can offer you guidance, feedback, encouragement, and accountability. If you like, You can also join a study group or a forum where you can connect with other students who share similar experiences and challenges. You can also use online resources, such as videos, podcasts, articles, or apps, that can help you learn and understand your subjects better.
- Take breaks and reward yourself. Studying and working hard is important, but so is taking care of yourself and your well-being. Please Make sure you take regular breaks from your tasks and do something that makes you happy and relaxed. This can help you reduce stress, improve your mood, and boost your energy and focus. You can also reward yourself for your achievements and progress, no matter how big or small. This can help you stay motivated and positive.
- Be kind and compassionate to yourself. Please, Don't be too hard on yourself or compare yourself to others. Everyone has their strengths and weaknesses, and everyone faces their challenges and opportunities. You are doing the best you can with what you have. You are not perfect, and that's okay. You are human, and that's beautiful. Try to replace your negative thoughts and words with positive and affirming ones. For example, instead of saying "I'm so dumb and useless", You could say "I'm smart and capable". This can help you boost your self-esteem and confidence. Imagine if you had a friend who would say these words to themselves and be harsh about themselves, how would you comfort them? Please use the same kind of love towards yourself that you would show to your friends and loved ones.
I hope these suggestions are helpful for you and that you find some improvement in your situation. Remember that you are not alone and that you have the potential to overcome your difficulties and achieve your goals. You are a wonderful person and I admire your courage and determination. I wish you all the best and I hope that you have a great day. Take care and stay safe.