Unique Self Harm
I’ve been trolling this planet for a good 45 years. Thirty-eight of them have been filled with chronic pain- migraines. Because my battle has been difficult, I have at times denied my condition to enjoy life, knowing I am going to trigger debilitating pain later. This pain lasts for several hours to days. Afterward, I am usually in a f og,and I am depressed because I am recovering from such pain.
I know part of my ignorance is out of spite and anger- I want to enjoy what other people do and what I want to do. At times the pain is a reminder that I hit my limits, verifying my worthiness for the cause. Other times it feels depressing because I know I am fragile. I juggle with these two paths when I say, “fuck it” I don't care about the migraine.
I don't want to be in pain. I am fully aware I had more than my share. I don’t think putting myself in pain is always a bad thing just a choice to live life. But I don’t want to lose time from these choices. Time fhat cam be productive and pain free but less meaningful.
While my injury isnt permanent my condidtion is permanent. I will never be free of pain (yes I tried many things). I feel that it is worse because such choices will always and forever will be split on pain. That alone drives me mad.
Sometimes negative emotions or things are just a sign and a way to feel that how happiness feels like.. or how being healthy and fully cured feels like.
I might not be able to understand your situation because i never felt the same, and no one can deny the fact that only the one who goes through it can only understand the situation.
You always have a choice, and choosing the risky side might feel right but you always have to keep yourself first and have to choose the better for you!
Only you can do for yourself, no one else will!!..
💗💗