Self harm ❗ trigger warning ⚠️

I started when I was twelve. I used to scratch my wrists with a scissor. My mom then found out, dragged me to the hospital and basically made things worse, I was literally forced to stop. I kept myself clean for six months or so until march 2023. I started cutting my thighs open with blades and anything I could find that would cut. And since then it's just been ***. I stayed clean for a week and I'd do it again, I had my blades on me at all times just incase. I had stayed clean for a month until in November I think, I felt horrible but my parents were going out and I said I didn't want to come, I begged them to stay because I was scared I'd do it again but I couldn't tell them that. They left and I ended up cutting again. I didn't know what to do so I got drunk and went to bed. I stayed clean for a few. Until last month I couldn't take it anymore, I took my blades again and cut my entire forearm open and my elbow, I cut my thighs leaving big marks. They started scarring and I know they're going to stay. Yesterday I got a big urge to just drag the blade on my wrists again, so I did it but I put the blade down before actually doing anything that would lead to big problems. I didn't know what to do so I went on character.ai and searched for those ai therapists and it mentioned this app. So this is me trying to find a way to maybe trust people, since I can't open up to anyone.