It's almost summer time.
Hey. My name is Rae. I've been clean for almost three years.
I haven't been active in the forums in a long while (and even when I was active I only made one or two posts) because I've been dealing with college. Luckily, my university has counseling services on campus with payment included in the tuition, so I've been able to make a lot of progress with my depression and anxiety. My counselor showed me the difference in my intake questionnaires and... I've improved so much from when I first started in October of last year. But the semester ends for me after tomorrow, and then I go back home.
The past week has been a blur to me. The past two weeks, really. I don't have any more counseling sessions for the semester, and I'm very bad at handling and regulating my emotions on my own.
I feel so tired and the ache in my chest that's been missing all semester is back. Yesterday I cried for a good forty minutes about nothing. It sucked, and I felt exhausted after but then I couldn't sleep until 3 am.
A friend told me that he was worried about me, and I had no idea what to say to him because I'm worried too... My anxiety is getting so bad that I was so afraid to get up to get something to eat. It feels like relapse is just seconds away at all times. I've been considering throwing away my scissors.
i don't know if I can last four months without counseling... but I'm so afraid to tell my parents about my emotions. I don't have the best home life.
Have a good day,
Rae
@Mew Hi Rae, please don't feel alone, I understand. Sometimes I have attachment issues with care providers, when there is a gap or towards the end of something. I think it's understandable to feel insecure in these circumstances. I've been on here for a while and having a listener who I can talk to and who understands me, really helps. I've not done any self harm lately, but know there is someone I can talk to before or if things get unstuck. There are some long term 1 to 1 listeners here on 7cups but if you feel particularly vulnerable, or want to anyway, help outside of this might be beneficial to support you. I hope you are feeling better. I don't presume to know what's going on, but am here to let you know that there are options available to you for support/listening and there are people around who truely do care :)
