weird urges, big tw//
last night i had an episode where i was having very strong thoughts to self harm however im at a point in my recovery that im too scared to actually carry through and harm myself. this was weird because for some reason i was trying to convince myself to work up the courage to hurt myself rather than convincing myself resist the urge and i feel extremely guilty. i felt that because i was scared my mental illness isn't real.
@amusingSail8830
Hi there !
I'm sorry to hear about the urges. Personally night time is the time of day when they are the worst so I can relate to that. However I've never felt the need work up the courage to self-harm. I've already felt the need to go further in my doings but then it was more of snowball effect. I was wondering though : if you feel unsure about your mental illness, maybe the fact that you self-harm would be a confirmation of you illness ? In a way, by working up the courage to hurt yourself, you might be working up the courage to admit that self-harm is an issue for you ? Maybe I'm wrong all the way down the line and I'm sorry if I've crossed boundaries but it was just a thought.
Either way, I hope that you know that your feelings are valid. No matter what anyone else tells you, these are your feelings and emotions. It's very brave of you to share them with us. I wish you peaceful times to come and if need be, we're here for you <3
