Unknowingly using SH on myself for years
Hi all. I'm new here, but needed to reach out. I've actually been self harming for a very, very long time without knowing it. I was diagnosed with PTSD, severe anxiety, severe depression, severe social anxiety and possibly bi-polar, as well as a slew of physical issues.
Over the past 30 years, when in fights with a partner, I would hit myself repeatedly as hard as I could (arms, chest, legs, etc.), not letting injuries heal normally, and recently started cutting on the same night I thought about ending it all after my partner of over a year broke it off.
I haven't left my home in over 4 months and have massive anxiety attacks just thinking about it and I don't know what I'm doing to do to get the help I need for all the medical issues I currently have. I have lived on amazon.com and local grocery deliveries to survive, but is that really surviving?
@NirvanaDollBaby Hello. First of all, thank you for being brave and honest and vulnerable here in this space. That can be a difficult thing to do! It sounds like, a long time ago, you developed some not-so-healthy coping skills. And now that you are experiencing a break-up, they have sort of come to the surface, and you're realizing that you aren't in a good place. I am glad that you have recognized all of this this! (Although Im very sorry about the relationships ending.)
I think that during the pandemic, many people began to utilize home delivery services, and it's quite convenient! Yet, getting out in the sunshine and soaking up some vitamin D has benefits, too. I wonder if you could work up to sitting outside for X minutes? And then maybe inviting someone else to sit out with you? Maybe you could come up with a plan, by taking small steps every week, that could help you eventually get out of the house.
If you'd like to talk 1-1 with someone about what you are going through, you can start here: www.7cups.com/BrowseListeners/ You can search for those who have lived experience with relationship stress, breakups, anxiety, self harm, or a number of other topics.
Did you also know that 7cups has therapy services? You can get more info here
Please take good care of yourself, whatever that looks like for you.