Im new and looking for someone to talk too.

I have been through *** my whole life and things have only continued to get worse and worse. About two years ago I started smoking pot heavily. I would smoke every hour just to try to make myself feel better and it helped until recently I quit. I feel hopeless now. After I quit smoking that's when I picked up self harming. I know self-harming is a very unhealthy way to cope but I just can't control the urges and I am trying so hard to not do it. I just joined this today because I need help and I just can't ask for it. I have tried therapy in the past but going to a therapist just makes me uncomfortable. I just need someone to talk to so I don't feel so lonely and I can be clean from substances and self-harm.