Scared while recovering

I have been clean for 2 years and 2 months as of today. But today I keep feeling a sudden, unbearable urge to self harm. None of my usual recovery methods are helping

and I’m scared that I’ll relapse today as much as I don’t want to. The thought scares me but I’m trying my best not to self harm. Which is why I thought I’ll share this here today so I can tell someone how I feel. And that you can also know that this journey to recovery is a long process and it won’t happen overnight. I may or may not relapse tonight but the fact that it scares me tells me that I care about myself enough not to cause myself harm. And that I deserve to live pain free and not self harm.