I'm trying to hold on
TW for self harm and self injurious behavior. Please be advised.
I'm trying to hold on, trying not to hurt myself or seek out unhealthy and self-destructive coping skills, but sometimes it's hard. It's like I feel a deep, gnawing sense of emptiness. I am working through the emotion, rather than just pushing away what I'm feeling. I know where upsetting me right now, and I know what's going on in my life. My therapist may not really understand, but I do. I know that I want to cope with the pain in a way that's familiar to me, a way that feels comfortable to me (in the moment) because it's like I'm gaining a sense of control over the pain. But I know it leads to more pain in the long run. Much, much deeper pain than I'm even feeling now. I can mitigate this by directly acting on what's hurting me right now. Self-harm is a displacement, it's a way to act on the pain and do something about it that gives me a sense of control, safety, and comfort. But so would directly acting on it. In this case, I'm combatting the sense of helplessness that leads to self-harm by doing what I can to heal from the grief and heartbreak I'm facing in my life, processing the feelings and sense of injustice done to me, and speaking directly into the pain, instead of dodging it with coping skills that don't work. I will overcome this, but God, I need Your help. Because right now, I legitimately feel tempted to self-harm.
@BlessedBird
Sending hugs if accepted.
@BlessedBird
I was in a similar situation, but to make matters worse, I was in prison at the time and I couldn't control the severe ideation I had because my daughter took her own life while I was incarcerated.
I have bad PTSD, depression, and a host of serious health struggles. About 5 years ago I began to seek help and I was admitted to the hospital's mental health ward. From there I attended many classes and support groups over the next 16 weeks. Then I found 7Cups and then another stroke of luck happened, I got excepted at a homeless shelter for veterans, stayed there for a year, and now I have very reduced housing in a nice community and have had 2 therapists now for about 5 years. My whole point to telling you a short version of my story is because I want you to know that for certain you will get better if you follow my footsteps and keep reaching out for help. You are prepared to figure this out and I can tell by your words you want to be able to adopt a new outlook or perception and you do this through self care, self-awareness is something we learn easily once you get into the guidance of a good therapist. I feel so very blessed to have the help i have now. Between all of the kind people Ive met over the past 5-6 years, and the medication they have me on and the fact that I quit drinking 53 days ago - I am feeling happy and im loosing weight. My therapist says advocate for yourself, you can learn this skill like I am learning it and when I need to assert myself and use it. Self prioritize - You first!! Remember those that mind don't matter, and those that matter don't mind :-) Tag me anytime. Chin up and smile more and love yourself!!
Blessings, Day
