Does your past self-harm follow you forever?
I have not self-harmed in over 8 years, yet whenever I have to talk about it during any health intake appointment there seems to be a way that the healthcare provider changes. They become more on guard and careful and want to know more information about where I spend my time, if I have had any thoughts of self-harm or suicide recently, and if I have any recent events that have been stressful in my life. To be honest these are normal questions, but the urgency and increased level of attention to my answers after they learn that I self harmed at one point makes me feel like they are looking at me like a ticking time bomb. To others who have self-harmed and have not done so in many years, have you experienced this response? Does it ever change?
@affectionateNorth7484
Hi There... I'm lurking in the conversation to find out :). I just recently (last year) revealed that I was doing self-harm for over 30 years- and no one knew. And there were at least 3 times in my life where I got to the point of seriously thinking about ending "it." This last time was the first time I got help, and I'm doing better. But like you, the people that know (not too many) are always on alert. They didn't care for 30+ years but now... so, I too am wondering.
@Tri2BHappy
I’m glad to hear you’ve gotten help. Feel free to lurk all you want. But yeah, it’s most obvious with people when they first find out. But health professionals tend to keep that sort of thing on their radar constantly, in my experience. With friends and family members, in my experience, it tends to fade into the background a bit after a while, even if it is still there. However, that is my experience. So, could be different for other people, and hence the reason for this post to see what commonalities there are.
@affectionateNorth7484
i haven’t SH in over 10 years. I still sometimes get those reactions particularly in an emergency room or in a hospital with providers that do not know me well. My regular drs know me well and know that it isn’t an issue any more and if it becomes an issue that I will ask for the help that I need. I had those reactions more often early on in my recovery when my scars were more visible. They are not nearly as visible as they once were.
Kristy
