poem: wandering (possible trigger warning)

on days like this,

when i'm filled to the brim with loneliness,

i let my mind wander to a place it's not supposed to be at

i let it dream about the sight of red against my skin

and the sigh of relief afterwards

as if the melancholy and despair would have flown out of me through the red river

physical pain is more tolerable than mental

that's why it's addicting to someone

who just wants the mental pain to stop

still,

the physical pain has never been a cure

it just makes you momentarily forget

but my mind refuses to believe it

as it's seeking for something that would finally make me feel normal again