What do I do now?
I've been clean and without the urge to cut for about a year and a half now. But I relapsed last night and now I've fallen back into my cycle of depression that i thought I had kicked when I got off my meds last summer. I don't really know what to do now and I just feel lost in my thoughts even when there is nothing wrong in my life. Is this common, for depression to just creep back into my life after so long? I'm just so lost and all I want to do is listen to the same songs on repeat for hours and not talk to anyone. Everyone just keeps asking me if I'm alright and I just don't want to continue on with this anymore. I just don't know what to do.
@Infernalstick Relapse is okay. It is disappointing, but is it okay. Be kind to yourself. You get decide if you want to continue to cut or stop again. It doesn't mean you failed. It doesn't mean the clock has to start over. It doesn't mean your time being "clean" didn't count. It means you hit a rough patch on your journey and want to figure out how to get back on the path. Did something trigger you in particular? Any new stressors? Are you regularly engaging in self-care? Depression can certainly come and go and I know that can feel very disheartening but there is hope, if you were able to manage it once, you absolutely will be able to manage it again.
@Infernalstick
Proud of you for reaching out for support and sharing your struggles because that takes alot of strength. That same strength that you have inside yourself because you were harm free for a long time. When I am struggling I remind myself that recovery isn't perfect even though I wish it was. It's okie to relapse and it's okie to not be okie. What things can help you get back to the recovery mindset you had before? What supports could help you right now?
The good thing about clean streaks is that they can always start over. Each day you keep trying is a step in the right direction. I beeleaf in you <3
@Infernalstick
Congratulations on being clean for so long- it takes a whole lot of strength, determination and a crazy amount of courage to stop doing something that's helped, and finding other things instead. I'm so proud of you for reaching out on here when you needed it.
Relapses are OK, and aren't the end of your recovery process. Recovery is hardly ever a straight line- there are many obstacles- "relapses"- to go through to reach the end. It may take years for some of us, but that doesn't mean it's not worth aiming for.
Depression can come and go, and often comes when something we feel bad or even slightly bad happens. It's tough, but you've got the strength to fight it again. You've done it once before, so you can do it again. Medication might help you again, just a suggestion! Many people are scared of going on meds because they fear they'll be on it forever, or they don't want to rely on it. But sometimes when we are really struggling, medication can help us keep our head above the water and do things that could help us/do things that we couldn't do without meds because we were drowning in our symptoms. Medication should only be a temporary help. If you ever need help, ask for it! You're worth fighting for.
Everyone at 7 Cups is here to help support you through this. Believe in yourself. xx
@Infernalstick wow, congrats for so long being "clean"! Its totally normal to start feeling bad again, its hard, but normal. Maybe if you return to meds will help too, sometimes its not just the thoughts, its chemical too. Our body sometimes fails to produce certain substances that make us feel better (like seratonin, dopamine and stuff), and then depression happens. By the way, therapy is always a good way too! Everyone (even who doesn't have depression, anxiety, or any kind of these troubles) should do. Its a path of self knowing, self control.
You are so strong, we can feel this just with your words! One year is a totally victory! Self harm is an addiction, its so hard to get off. If you need anything, we are always here to listen and try to help! ♡
@GabiVenturi Thanks for the words of encouragement. I want to get a therapist but I really don't know how I should go about it. I went to a mental health hospital a couple years ago and moved in with my dad after I got out because my mother was the main stressor in my life at the time. That's how I got on meds and eventually "got better" but now I'm worried to ask my dad for help because he is that hard ass republican kind of guy that thinks all emotions are just in your head and you can fix anything by simply ignoring it and I feel like I'm just gonna make him either feel disappointed in me or just make him mad by asking him to take me to a therapist. I understand that for most people that's just an irrational fear but based on the way he acts and how he sometimes likes to poke fun at me for "acting all down" or yell at me for constantly thinking negatively or not talking to him for several days, I just feel like he's not gonna be very happy with me and I rather just sit and suffer in silence until I'm 18 in November so I can just get some help then. I also have one question though that I feel is probably important, over the last like 2 weeks or so I lost about 20ish pounds and I've lost most interest in eating much of anything. Is that normal for depression or should I talk to someone about that? I feel physically fine for the most part and I'm trying to force myself to eat at least around 800 calories a day but some of my friends are worried about me now. Thanks, Noah.
@Infernalstick
If you are depressed, is normal to lose appetite. But this is going to be bad for your health and mind, you need corporal forces, so its good that at least you are trying to eat.
I don't know how your dad is, but maybe if you are honestly with him and try to explain, will be so nice. Even for your relationship with him! And if he's agree with the therapy, try to demonstrate that are good for people to sit and talk! Think that if you make him agree, he will be totally a better person! Try just to talk, not yell or something, its not a fight, you'll need patience and kind about this, to make he see that its not a confront, its just something that will be good for both of you!
@Infernalstick
Sadly yes. I call depression "rollercoster" because overal is fun but then that "drop" comes and boy is not fun.
I recommend you to get help. Relapsing is ok but is very important to get help to win against the relapse