Am I Too Broken?
I really want to know: Am I too broken?
I joined 7cups wanting to talk to an anonymous listener, which I did. I found 2 particular listeners I clicked with really well and became a pretty good friend with one. But that was for my depression and anxiety. Anytime I would bring up my self-harm, anytime I sought help from a listener or, they just asked if I wasn't dying or something and showed me the door to a suicide prevention hotline. Right now, it feels like I don't have anybody to talk to about my self-harm besides this community. I haven't opened up about anything about my anxiety or self-harm because of two reasons: 1- I'm so ashamed of it and 2- I am too scared to try. It makes me think that I am so broken beyond repair and honestly, makes me hurt more because I feel so guilty about it.
I want to start recovering. I really do. It sounds so selfish to say, but I don't have anybody or anything to help- anytime I try to get support, they all just say that it's too serious for them, go to a professional, or that I shouldn't go to them because self-harm is a sign that I want to commit suicide.
@pinkThinker619
@pinkThinker6194
That's because listeners here aren't trained to help you on that. They are trained to guide people to hotlines, they can't help you like a professional can. Listeners aren't friends.
I get what you're saying though. You want a constant support to who you can vent. That would have to be with a good close friend or family member.
Do you know anyone that could help ? Someone close?
If not have you tried to do a daily effort to make friends? Many people are aware of self har (some do it, others know someone that did it), so don't worry that people will judge you. Nowdays the stigma is changing!
@pinkThinker6194 of course you're not too broken, and none of this is your fault. It sounds like those listeners just didn't know how to help, or maybe they weren't comfortable with the topic. And that's okay, we're only volunteers and can only help with what we can. But you still deserve to have someone to talk with about this. And there are some listeners on here who know how to handle chats like that and are comfortable with it. Did you know you can filter out the listeners based by topic? So you can filter for people who specifically said they're okay with talking about self harm! You can try it here 
You're not broken, and I think there's a lot of support out there for you, it's just a matter of finding it 
@pinkThinker6194 .If it helps I think I'm damaged as well. I self harmed last night. Being a "cutter" does not mean you are suicidal!! I've been cutting for almost 30 years! I have months of not doing it then the urge is so strong. I try to fight it but I can't. It's such a release!
I would be willing to talk to you about it but I'm not a listener so it wouldn't be private. Another member and I talk everyday through the original forum post. It feels private because no one comments or anything. And if anyone is reading our chats it's not like anyone knows us anyway! That's how I can open up on this site. We are all struggling with something.
So, I'm here if you want to talk. Sometimes when I have the urge just telling someone lessens the urge. Not always! I would love to chat because I don't know anyone personally that self harms unless they just don't mention it. Maybe we can help each other!
Hope to hear back from you!
@pinkThinker6194
Hi there, welcome to this awesome subcommunity :) No, you are not too broken, in any way! Nobody is too broken. We just need to find the right person to talk to and help us figure out how to best tackle the predicament we are in. We need somebody who will fight with us, and be our cheerleader.
As listeners, we all have our different strengths, and it sounds like self-harm might not be one of them, for the two listeners you spoke to. Of course, this is just a guess. As someone has commented above, you can browse listeners based on the topics they feel most comfortable with. This is a great place to start, and some listeners also have depression and/or anxiety listed as their strengths, too.
You have nothing to be ashamed of! We all have our struggles and internal battles, and you have been so strong to have fought through it. You've made it so far, and you're showing more strength by asking for help. It's never an easy task, admitting that you need help. Again, I don't believe anybody is too broken. We are all able to be helped, regardless of how long it takes us. I wonder- what makes you feel guilty for feeling "broken"?
I'm glad to hear that you want to start recovering- It's a very tough decision to make sometimes, and we may have to actively choose it everyday, but making the decision is a great first step. I hope you will find a listener on this site willing to listen and support you on your path to recovery! It may take a while to find one, but it hopefully will be worth the effort in the end.
I have a few suggestions for self-help things to do-
There is a Self-Harm Guide here on 7 Cups- the link is here. This is a great tool for self-help.
I'd also recommend a YouTuber called Kati Morton- She's a licenced therapist based in the USA who specialises in Eating Disorders and Self-Harm. She has plenty of videos that could help, as well as her own workbook for Self-Harm.
Good luck, and we are all here to support you! xx
@pinkThinker6194
There are listeners that do help with selfharm to even if they suggest that you seek a professional. I found myself one and it's working out quiet well. I hope you find someone that does!
