A day of new things...

I finally started with a new psych today who was super lovely. I'd made an internal deal with myself that I had to be open and honest to actually try and get something out of therapy this time around.

So I told her about my self harm, how and why, and what with. She sat there as calm as when I introduced my self and went through the usual 'are you feeling suicidal' with 4 consecutive and emphatically NOs she was ready to talk about the issues I presented.

I said I like control- well my anxiety likes control. But my depression likes to lay still, do nothing, and let the world build up, and move on around me. They fight in my already full head, but I cut and they both settle. Anxiety sees I've taken control, I a rather extreme way, but control nonetheless. Depression could feel the pain he was trying to express through aches and insomnia and was satiated by this.

Afterwards, I got some peace from my conflicting frenemies and finally did the groceries, fresh wounds rubbing on my jeans.

the psych took all this in, and instead of going to the unoriginal 'take a walk' 'talk to a friend' she talked about the ways to calm the conflict before if became the battle. And if the battle is about to start, how can we quell the fighters without taking it out on myself.

I can definitely see myself going to her again, and I'm so glad I found an empathetic pysch with original plans/ideas


moved from Daily Check In Threads to Dear Diary by Forum Mentor @JovialOne