Self Harm Recovery Daily Check-in : Tuesday, June 1st, 2021
Hello there beautiful beings <3
It's the start of a new month ! For me, and maybe some of you too, summer is on the way, brighter days ahead :)
Check in questions :
1) How are you doing today ? Would you like to share anything with us ?
2) If you could be a plant, what would you be and why ?
Song recommendation of the day : Ocean Eyes by Billie Eilish
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1) How are you doing today ? Would you like to share anything with us ?
Heyy, I feel so stressed. I am nervous with everyone and want to fire one of my research partners because he is taking advantage of my effort and never working, and he gets the praise of our university professors while I get nothing but stress, exhausting effort, and a constant sense of failure. I decided to take a break by reading the four parts of Elena Ferrante's novel "My Amazing Girlfriend". When I started reading Part Two, "The Tale of a New Name," I couldn't stand the amount of anger that filled me as I moved through its pages. I trusted the heroine who tells the story by imagining myself in her place, but she continues to submit to her evil friend who is jealous of her because she did not complete her education, while the heroine who narrates continues her education and does not stop reading, but does not become a housewife and submits to a rich and fat husband like her evil friend. This evil friend steals the childhood love of the heroine who narrates the novel and betrays her husband with him. Indeed, the heroine cannot help but love the evil friend and the love of her childhood, although the love of her childhood exploits her to reach her evil friend. The heroine also because of that, she hurt herself because she lost her virginity with the father of her childhood love who did not hesitate to betray his wife. I am tired psychologically and do not know whether to continue the novel until I get to the fourth part, or to stop causing myself to disappointment. Do I expel my partner in the study or cancel the registration of the subject I am with him in spite of my research efforts, or do I ignore it? I don't know anything anymore and I'm so depressed.
2) If you could be a plant, what would you be and why ?
I want to be the flower of saffron, because it blooms on the first day of autumn as if it celebrates that the year is coming to an end.
@Slizzy564
Hey Slizzy! :)
1) How are you doing today ? Would you like to share anything with us ?
I am super-charged and electric. And not really in a good way. All the bad urges are constant. And I know that it is not right. But I kind of feel like by being aware that it is not how it should be to want to do all those sorts of things, I am stressing myself out more. But I don't want to accept it as a "new normal" either. Anyway, there is no escape except sleep right now.
I try not to think about it, or give it too much time / importance. Everything else is going ok. I am doing myt stuff. I function. I just don't feel all that great. And feelings aren't all that important, really. I guess I am just not ready to be like "stop expecting to feel other than this, and you will reduce your stress". I don't want to lose my grip on the fact that we're not meant to just feel edgy and sad as a daily reality. But I feel like not accepting it might be looping stressor on stressor. Idk if any of that makes sense.
2) If you could be a plant, what would you be and why ?
A Marigold. Cos they're simple and joyful :)
@Slizzy564, Hello!
1. Watching people on youtube interviewing a criminal is interesting. Other than that, I feel calm for now.
2. I want to become a cactus. Based on Google, it's an adaptable plant that can survive anywhere. Adaptability is an amazing characteristic that I would love to have!
Until next time,
Ham