Bullying: How to take actions (as a neutral party)
*NOTE: THIS POST WAS WRITTEN WITH THE FOCUS ON BULLYING THAT TAKES PLACE IN 7 CUPS, FOR OTHER BULLYING STRUGGLES FEEL FREE TO CONNECT HERE*
Hi there community! So the past weeks bullying has made it to be a very popular topic and I would like to take some time to talk about it too.
Did you watch it? Okay, let's move on.
Bullying is a very important topic to me, I do everything I can to make every teen on this site feel safe and to know they can reach out to me any time. But the thing is, bullying isn't just an admin problem. Bullying is everyones problem. You, as a part of our supportive community, have the responsibility of making 7 cups a safe place to engage in.
I notice that sometimes users don't know how to react towards bullying so Im writing you all some ideas and tips.
How do I know bullying is going on?
First things first, to prevent bullying from happening we need to be inform on what bullying is. If you havent, I invite you to read through our Bullying Guide here.
Bullying means any behavior that is unwanted and unwelcome, has a negative impact on the recipient or on bystanders, and is unwarranted.[1]
Harassment refers to pattern of repeated offensive behavior that appears to a reasonable observer to intentionally target a specific person or persons. [2]
Knowing the definition doesn't mean you will always be able to identify bullying at first glance; but it gives you a greater understanding on what things to look out for. During a conflict, any comment made can feel like a personal attack. They not always are. When you feel someone is being hurtful towards you, it's best to take a step back and evaluate what happened with a calm mind.
Some easy red flags to identify:
✔Teasing
✔Inappropriate jokes about someone else
✔Antagonising someone in the chat rooms, or while talking in PMs with others
✔Singling them out in public spaces
Some questions you can ask yourself are:
⌧Is this behavior a one time thing or has happened in repeated occasions?
⌧How did I felt when he said that hurtful comment?
⌧Has something else happened today, this week that makes me specially sensitive to that topic?
⌧What was the emotional state of the person that made the comment? (were they angry, frustrated, sad?)
⌧Can I solve this situation by talking to them directly?
⌧Do I feel safe in 7 cups?
If you feel that you might be feeling bullied, check this thread on what to do.
How do I help end bullying on 7 Cups?
→ Dont become the bullys bully: With the best intentions of protecting someone, we go into the fight fire with fire. Dont, it's not an effective way to stop this problem as it create more hate and spreads negativity.
→ Dont join into the teasing: Be self-aware of your actions and their consequences. If an user says they feel uncomfortable with something you said or did, respect their boundaries.
→ Dont stay quiet on what you see: If you see someone being mean to another user/users in the rooms, the forums or anywhere on 7 cups, report them.
→ Dont spread rumors or gossip about bullies or the people they are bullying
→ Dont triangulate: As an outsider/by stander, you might feel very inclined to solve the problem. Dont take the power away from the person being bullied to stand up for themselves.
→ Dont invalidate either parties feelings
→ Dont file reports on behalf of others or of events you did not see first hand
→ Dont bring past reports or behaving against someone when they are trying to move forward and do better
→ Dont assume someone is being a bully
→ Dont pick sides: There can be a lot of perspectives to what happened, and it can quickly turn into a he said, she said situation
→ Do support someone that is feeling bullied
→ Do try to diffuse the tension in a chatroom by changing the topic
→ Do forgive users for bad behavior when you can
→ Do show kindness and compassion in the support rooms, forums and everyone else on the site
→ Do listen to those that feel bullied and validate their feelings
→ Do guide those that are being bullied or have seen bullying take place to the appropriate ways of reporting
→ Do reach out to a mentor, teen star, group support leader, a community manager or myself if you see bullying take place
→ Do remain neutral when someone tries to bring you into the conflict and encourage them to use conflict resolution
→ Do disengage when you feel triggered or personally invested in a situation
→ Do practice self care and encourage others that are feeling triggered to practice it too.
→ Do be welcoming, compassionate and supportive towards everyone in the community
→ Do educate others on how to approach bullying
Other resources to look at:
Help Guide on how to deal with Bullying
Things not to say to someone that is being bullied
How to help someone that is being bullied (teen perspective)
How to help someone that is being bullied (parents perspective)
- Mute Feature -
Regarding the Mute feature on Chat: I feel it would be FAR more effective if the person you muted couldn't see YOUR messages either. If the Bully can no longer see you, that should solve the Problem swiftly
@Laura @KrinkTheMellowUnicorn @AffyAvo
@ChromeLotus - please submit to the suggestion box!
@Iara - Excellent guide, and I especially like calling out the point 'don't be the bully's bully' - I think often it can feel like a natural reaction to want to defend or protect a friend, but escalating the situation tends to just add to the hurt going on, rather than fixing it.
@Iara
Thank you for this. Its nice that we have hit this issue head on and are working to help others have this space as a safe place. Im very happy we have this information up and out for everyone to use and learn from.
We should also bring up not saying political opinions in the chat rooms.. I know this is a hot topic for most people as we have differing opinions of certain things, but we don't need to express those opinions in the chat rooms that are dealing with other things, also not saying slurs in the lgbt, poc room or any other room for this matter.
@lara I agree with the things you said in here too 😁
@Iara As a neutral party witnessing bullying, it's important to intervene calmly and assertively. First, assess the situation to ensure everyone’s safety and well-being. Then, step in by addressing the inappropriate behavior without escalating the conflict, calmly stating that bullying is unacceptable. Offer support to the person being bullied, letting them know you're there for them and they don’t deserve this treatment. Finally, encourage open communication, either through reporting the incident or seeking help from a trusted authority, to address the situation constructively.