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Safety Discussion - Boundaries during Member-Listener Chats

March 9th

Hi everyone! 😊


Last month, I hosted room discussions on both adult and teen sides on this topic - boundaries in member-listener chats. 


As both those discussions each lasted an hour, and each was held only once in total last month, I know many of you might have missed those live discussions.


No need to worry though 😀, as today, I am sharing a forum version of this discussion for those who could not join in the live discussions.


Let us start with this question:


Q.1) What is the meaning of “boundary”?


As per Merriam-Webster dictionary, boundary means something that indicates or fixes a limit or extent.


So, on 7 Cups, we can define boundary as personal limits each member or listener put in place on 7 Cups to protect themselves for the some of the following reasons:


  • Safety:

It includes avoiding offsite contact, confidentiality and triangulation in 1-1 chats, group chats, forums, and in our profiles.

  • Busy schedule:

Every listener or member is just a person on the other side of the screen, with a busy life. So, they cannot be available 24/7 on 7 Cups.

  • Burnout:

Many listeners, wishing to help and support people on here, take on too many chat requests, or too many roles and responsibilities, which can lead to burnout.


Q.2) What limitations/boundaries are there between a member and a listener?


Below are a few examples of boundaries in a member-listener chat. This list is not exhaustive, and you can add your own boundaries in the replies below!


  • Time

    • Duration of chat

    • Times you’re available for listening

  • Confidentiality

    • Not sharing member details outside of 1-1 chat

    • Not mentioning usernames of other members and listeners

  • No offsite contact

Not sharing full name, home address, email address, phone number, social media contacts etc.

  • Personal reasons

    • Triggers

    • Lack of experience with the chat topic


Q.3) What are some red flags in member/listener chats that may suggest boundaries have been compromised?


  • Offsite contact

Examples include asking for phone number, social media contacts, etc.

  • Inappropriate chat

  • Triggering conversation

  • Other party is not respecting your boundaries, even when you’ve clearly stated these boundaries repeatedly.


Q.4) What are some ways we can reinforce boundaries?


I will be leaving this question to you to share your ways of setting and reinforcing boundaries in 1-1 chats!


If you have spotted a profile that needs to be flagged, feel free to report them here


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4
March 9th

Taglist:
lovingRainbows2088 CalmRosebud MydogLiz8

Kristynsmama March 10th

@AuRewolf

boundaries still continue to be my biggest struggle as a listener.  But it also continues to be my biggest area of growth too.  Boundaries help me here on Cups, but they have also helped me in my personal life too.  I appreciate this post and any info on boundaries.

Heather225 March 11th

@AuRewolf

thank you for offering both rooms and forums participation opportunities! i think they each are very important components and the way you weave them together is a big boost of visibility. go safety!!

Heather225 March 11th

it's good you highlighted the time factor. engaging in conversations can be taxing (worth it but taxing), so it's crucial to decide on a specific duration as a listener and politely excuse yourself when that time limit is reached. in general members are pretty considerate of that if they know in advance. it's just all about frank communication.