The past several weeks, due to the PTS I know the number and hour, I have faced the hardest times in my 32 years. That's with the nearly 17 years I've battled severe mental illness and losing battles the majority of those years. Threat of a year in a state hospital. 4 rounds of electro-convulsive treatments. At least a dozen inpatient stays and nearly losing my life several times. None of that compares to the traumas of the past several weeks. Nothing could prepare anyone for these things but I'm just a bit more vulnerable due to the other challenges I face. Without a particular person here I'm all alone no matter who else is around. I could use the company from others who are believers in the power of prayer and God's miracles and the beauty of faith. Such a simple word with such deep and profound meaning that makes it a challenge to explain to those unfamiliar with it sometimes. The person I love most is wounded. The person who was there while the other couldn't has had her homecoming and gone to be with God very suddenly to us. I don't even bother with the spiritual questions on these matters anymore. It has definitely been taught and understood there are just things not for us to understand...yet. Cherish your loved ones and take none of them for granted. And the one that may have left me the most unsettled daily is you just have absolutely no idea what tomorrow brings and if you think things surely can't get worse you can so easily be proven wrong. I don't believe at all this all is a punishment or anything. I can safely say I don't understand this trauma and tragedy that has happened. Leaving me feeling vulnerable, exposed, unsafe, insecure, very alone and a diminished ability to think of anything as being for certain. The borders that secured my world and added the comfort I could attain have been shattered. I feel like I just spend all day pleading with God no matter what I'm doing. My health has been forced to decline in a couple of ways but that can be mended when the bearer of my life is safe and back home with me. I always seem to be busy to others but really, I feel nothing I've been up to, treatments included, have been worth a thing. I just stay distracted to keep my thoughts from going down the wrong rabbit hole by years of habit they find their way to. Nobody really gets me. If something actually happened to this person, I'd be worried about even being in my home I've had my whole life for very long. I've never been taught or prepared for the real world much. I blame myself a little, but I know there are bigger factors at that. So, I need some prayer friends. I only have the ability to repay you with prayers in return from me. But God will give out the just rewards some day in the future. Which I left with the realization that could be in 40 years, maybe tomorrow, even the next hour. I just need a little extra help feeling good things again and friends who will share prayers and maybe some Scripture they personally find helpful is the best kind of friend I need right now. A lifetime of studying Scripture, including on the related subjects to all of this, but now that I'm personally facing and experiencing it first hand the years of study have reversed, and I feel like a beginner again. I strongly need others to remind me and reiterate the things I know but really need to hear from people I can trust. And trust is a sacred word in my vocabulary. But anyone willing to help me a little in this time period is definitely a strong candidate for it because I'm having some difficulty seeing very much good left in the world with how evil things are turning. I know they are out there and have popped up a few times over the weeks. But I desperately need it after an even in just the past 12 hours. Let's take our real forms as brothers and sisters and act like Christ Himself showed us and led by example.