What's the truth about love?
Having seen the relationships/marriages in my family and having been in a relationship, I'm honestly not sure if I ever want to be in a relationship again. I want to find a friend I can spend the rest of my life with, who accepts and understands that I am asexual. However, love seems like an unfair world filled with pain and sacrifice. I understand that sacrifice and compromise are a part of any serious relationship, but love has been so unfair to me and the people I care about most. When I read books like those in the Percy Jackson series, I admire the give-and-take and understanding the characters have for each other but I don't know if relationships like that are possible in the real world. My mom tells me that after marriage, all the cute stuff fades away and you just have to learn how to live with the person. Is that true? I've seen marriages fall apart even after 10 years, and that honestly scares me. Does love just fade away? Or is it about finding the right person?
@QuietMuse
I think your mum is partially right but also overreacting.
The "cutesy" stuff happens but deppends on BOTH parts. Both have to work and show love.
What I will say is that after a long relationship, what happens is instead of feeling in "the clouds" , is more of a friendship and compromise you feel. But obviously there's still love.
Now about you seeking for it: it takes time. I don't know other way to say this. Any partner that is worth having takes ALOT of time to find out. But is totally worth it.
Just don't give up. You can do it.
@QuietMuse I really enjoyed reading your post as it was a chance to introspect. I often feel the same way and ask myself those questions too.
I speak for myself here when I say that, I need to keep asking myself what love means to me individually before I start experiencing it from someone else whos concept of love would very likely be different from my own.
Everyone on this planet is flawed, and most ppl (not all) are running from, coping with or healing from some kind of trauma and/or suppressed emotion. Most ppl are love addicts, codependent or narcissistic without having any clue that they suffer and/or wont understand the root of why they are suffering. Everyone has their ism. Ive done the same in comparing real life ppl and relationships to those in a book and this might be troublesome in that real ppl are far more complex with multiple dimensions to the different facets of themselves ....and therein lies the beauty.
Be the love you want in your life...youll be surprised at what happens next.
Sending you love.
@Jonsi,
I really enjoyed reading your post,you obviously have put a lot of reading and thought in the matter,totally agree,couldn't have expressed it better - self-love is the key to healthy relationships,if you love yourself,you attract other healthy individuals!
@QuietMuse,
I totally have to disagree with the idea of love as "sacrifice and.compromise"!This is definitely not the case - this equals suffering,not love.Love is not about sacrificing you for somebody else,rather in a healthy relationship we are supposed to mutually support each other,lift each other up,be open and honest with your communication.I used to be in a long relationship with my son 's father,so I can tell you it's most definitely not about the" settling "part only.If you just get stuck in a rut in your marriage, what's the point of being in it?If you take the other person for granted and stop working on the relationship,it's the end of the relationship and you just have a flatmate to be with,not a partner!If both partners are willing to work on it,things can be new and exciting even after years of being together!I truty believe in this!People who have high self-esteem and self-love do not just settle for mediocre existence,we should all keep hoping and dreaming and pursue our dreams,otherwise we do not grow and develop and this is the goal - personal growth and development!:)
I think exactly the same way! I only ever saw people break up - even after years of bein g together. I never felt secure in a relationship. To me they're like a disaster wainting to happen because eventually we're going to break up anyway. The closer we get, the more commitments we make, it will just make it harder, messier and more painful. I admire people who can give their own heart away and open up to someone. I want to be like those people...
I'm not sure about being asexual yet. I definitly have a very low libido but it's there occasionally...